The Worst Of Me
by Kurt's Anatomy
Summary: Ever since he could remember, Kurt Hummel has always had Kevin Pearson by his side. Throughout everything, Kevin has been his rock. When the pair start high school, internal and external politics threaten to drive them apart. Can their everlasting bond withstand romances, lies, drama and the hockey team?
1. Time

The Worst Of Me

Chapter 1- Time

* * *

For as long as he could remember, Kurt Hummel had been best friends with Kevin Pearson.

It was instantaneous.

Like two magnets finding each other and clicking together seamlessly, with no preamble or introductions.

They had met when they were three and their parents had assembled all of their children in the same room and all but forced them to make friends with each other.

The Pearsons had three children: Kevin, Kate and Randall.

The Hummels had only Kurt.

At the little age of three, Kurt had already been developing what Elizabeth Hummel was quick to label as social anxiety. Whenever they had friends over, Kurt would retreat into himself, hiding his face away behind his mother's legs. They would try to coax him out of his shell, but he would be adamant; talking to strangers was a no go.

Burt and Elizabeth had brainstormed solutions and talked to other parents about their own children. They decided that, as harsh as it was, integrating Kurt quickly with other children by force was the easiest way to do it. He would have a hard time, but the Pearson children were joyful and well-behaved. He would connect well with them.

Burt and Elizabeth were also big fans of their parents, Jack and Rebecca. Burt knew Jack via one of their mutual drinking buddies, something with Jack had stopped altogether now though still maintained his friendships with the guys. That had introduced Elizabeth and Rebecca, who had gotten on like a house on fire. When the four finally came together with the idea of introducing their children, nobody had any idea how it was going to happen.

Elizabeth predicted that Kurt would feel ganged up on and refuse to interact with the other children. Burt thought that Kurt was going to throw a tantrum. Jack had warned Kevin to be on his best behaviour as he was the most temperamental out of the three. Rebecca was incredibly charmed by Kurt, but wondered if their kids meeting him was the best decision for Kurt.

So nobody saw it coming when Kevin Pearson toddled over to Kurt Hummel and sat with him, Kate and Randall keeping their distance slightly. Kevin was already the more outgoing of the children, but had barely any restraint when it came to interacting with people. Kurt had basely denied his interaction, but once Kevin refused to move, he had settled on the fact that he had to talk and had to make a friend.

"Hi," Kurt had croaked feebly and that was when Burt and Elizabeth knew that Kurt liked Kevin Pearson.

Kevin had beamed and slowly introduced Kurt to his siblings. Kurt had been polite as he always was to people that were important to his parents, but it was clear already that he looked to Kevin for his social cues.

The initial playdate had gone exceedingly well.

Randall had quickly got tired of the continuous playing and had wordlessly requested his favourite book from Rebecca, who smiled when Randall rejected her suggestion that she read it to him with a short "No, thank you". Randall had perched himself on Jack's lap, his favourite spot, and read his book in absolute silence.

Kate had grown fascinated by Kurt and his toys. She had not failed to notice that Kurt was mostly talking to Kevin, but she had joined in by proxy. Kurt had given her one of his dolls that she had been eyeing and told her that she could return it to him next time they saw each other, provided that she look after it, of course. Kate had been charmed and had asked permission from all the parents before she accepted Kurt's offer. They had all agreed, Rebecca gently warning Kate to take extra special care of it because it did not always belong to her. Kate had made a 'duh' face insinuating that she understood and was obviously going to look after it. The unspoken "because it belongs to Kurt, my new friend" was not lost on anybody.

Kevin was obsessed with his new friend. He looked at Kurt like he had hung the moon and always listened to him, shushing Kate whenever she tried to interrupt him. He had tentatively prodded Randall to ask him to play with them, but had accepted his denial and ran straight back to Kurt's side.

Kurt had taken to Kevin marvellously quickly, going so far as to cry when the Pearsons announced to their kids that they were leaving. Kevin shed a few tears as well, but was more concerned with making sure Kurt stopped crying. Jack was stunned at this; Kevin did that with Kate and Randall, but never with any of his other friends. He mostly sat in silence or left them to their own devices. But he had hugged Kurt, telling him that he would see him soon and that he wouldn't forget him, as was Kurt's worry. Kurt had walked over to Randall and said goodbye to him personally, interested in the book that Randall had been reading. The always generous Randall had offered his book to Kurt in the meantime, glad to have somebody who took an interest in reading. Kevin and Kate fell asleep long before he did, never engrossed in the story being told. Kurt had looked questioningly at his parents, who nodded. He accepted the book with gratitude and promised that he would take care of it.

That night, Kurt Hummel had asked his parents when he was going to see Kevin Pearson again. They had replied with an unsure 'soon' and Kurt had demanded that he be told in advance if they were going to the Pearson home or vice versa.

Around the same time, Kevin Pearson was being put to bed, babbling about Kurt and everything they had done that day. Kate had pitched in, Randall also offering a few kind words about the boy, but Kevin had to be coaxed to going to bed, excitement flooding his veins about making a new friend, "my bestest friend ever" as Kevin had put it.

Jack had called Burt shortly after, wondering if playdates twice a week would be sufficient for the children. Burt had enthusiastically agreed.

"I've never seen Kurt this happy before," Burt had added solemnly.

"I know what you mean," Jack replied with a smile. "All the kids love him, but Kevin is rapturous in his demands to see Kurt again soon. I haven't seen him like this before. He's usually energetic, but mostly about candy and his action figures. Never about another person."

Despite their fast friendship, children could be fickle. None of the parents expected the bond to last as long as it had.

Burt Hummel had never been so thankful for another human being on the day Elizabeth died, six years later.

Once the news had broken to Kurt, he hadn't cried like Burt had expected, like he himself had been doing since the doctors had announced her death. He tried to hold himself together for Kurt, but his emotions were running higher than ever.

In a desperate attempt to find some stability, Burt had gruffly called Rebecca Pearson.

Rebecca had been devastated, relaying the news to Jack and then, reluctantly, the children. The adults grieved for her, but mostly worried for Burt and Kurt. Kurt looked up to his mother with adoration and relentless love, this would break him.

Kate had also grown close with her Aunt Elizabeth, finding her to be "much cooler than you, Mom" to Rebecca's mild amusement. Randall thought Elizabeth was exactly like himself, bookish and ever the politest person in the room. He shared that connection with her and was not taking the news very well.

Kevin's first reaction had been "I need to be with Kurt".

Nobody had begrudged him that as they knew Kurt would have liked to have Kevin around when he needed him.

Jack had driven Kevin over, Rebecca staying at home with Kate and Randall, thinking it would be best to not crowd Kurt right now. Kate had protested, but had settled for sending a message via Jack and Kevin. Randall had set to work on writing Kurt a poem about love lasting forever, which Rebecca thought was a lovely idea.

When Kevin arrived at the house and Burt had let him in, he did something that changed Kurt's life forever.

He had hugged him.

Kurt usually eschewed physical contact from everybody except Elizabeth, preferring to use his carefully crafted words to communicate his thoughts and feelings. Whenever Burt would hug him, Kurt would squirm out of his hold and demand Burt never do it again. Elizabeth could cuddle him for hours without a single whisper of protest.

The moment Kevin, eager to console, had wrapped his arms around Kurt, Burt had careful caution bubbling on his tongue as he took Jack's coat. It died very quickly as Kurt stood still. He then buried his head into Kevin's neck and returned the gesture. Burt stood, speechless, and that was when he finally knew that these boys would be friends for as long as was possible to maintain a connection.

Sure, they had gotten on very, very well, but that never solidified an eternal friendship, considering they had never had to deal with being away from each other before. But the way Kurt let Kevin hold him, the way Kevin immediately rushed to his side, that showed something more than any of them understood.

"I'm so sorry, Kurty," Kevin had crowed sadly into Kurt's ear. Kevin was the absolute only person who Kurt would allow to bestow that particular nickname upon him. Burt had tried, only to shut down with a "Kevin calls me that, not you". Burt had wisely known to never attempt it. Even Elizabeth couldn't get away with it. And she got away with everything in Kurt's eyes.

"I miss her," Kurt had whispered back, expressing the first semblance of emotion since hearing that his mother had died.

He knew what that meant, to be dead. He knew that he was never going to see her again, so Burt had wondered why on Earth he wasn't crying. Hell, he had cried when he hadn't been allowed to watch _The Wizard of Oz_ before school one morning. But his mother dies and nothing? That didn't add up to Burt at all.

Kevin had been there through every step of the process, as much as his parents would allow. He had attended the funeral, as they all had, sitting closely to Kurt, his hand squeezing Kurt's very tightly.

Kurt had been crying, silently, only a few tears escaping his eyes. Kevin had assured him that it was perfectly okay to cry sometimes, especially in a situation like this. Kevin no longer cried, but he had cried at the funeral. Jack thought it was out of seeing Kurt in a despondent situation that had done it. Nothing mattered more to Kevin than Kurt.

Peculiarly, Kurt had spent the wake wondering if Kevin was okay. Kevin had insisted that he was fine if Kurt was okay, but Kurt knew that Kevin didn't cry and that he was grieving too. Elizabeth had been very close with all of the Pearson family.

Kurt made the rounds, sharing tender moments with both Kate and Randall, particularly the latter who was sniffling throughout the entire day. Kurt had asked for a private word with Jack and Rebecca, which had surprised both of them.

Kurt had assured them that his mother cared very deeply about both of them and wanted them to know how appreciated they were by his family and how much everyone cared about them and their children.

Jack and Rebecca had left that particular conversation crying, startled by Kurt's emotional intelligence and capacity to hold himself together at what was going to be the worst day of his life for several decades.

In a move that surprised everyone, Kurt had avoided his father the entire time, preferring to navigate the wake alone, even asking Kevin for a little space. Kevin, of course, had granted it, stating that he would stay in the same position all evening in case needed to find him again.

Burt had tried talking to Kurt several times that day, only to be brushed off with assurances that he was okay and wasn't going to fall apart anytime soon. Kurt had made sure Burt was handling himself and had eaten something but had then left him to his own devices. The traditional parent and child roles were being eschewed for a peculiar dynamic that seemed to suit them just fine on the outside. Burt was not pleased with being excluded from his son's grief and had a secret resentment for Kurt's insistence that Kevin stay at their house that night.

The Pearson parents had agreed wholeheartedly, agreeing to collect Kevin the next afternoon.

That night, the boys had stayed up through the night talking, somewhat about Elizabeth, but mostly about other things. Kevin had wanted to keep Kurt's mind off the subject and Kurt was more than happy to indulge him, even though the thoughts of his mother were spinning around his mind relentlessly.

" _I heard my dad saying that you might not be coming to school right away," Kevin had informed him._

 _Kurt had shook his head. "I want to come back after the break, but I don't know if my dad will let me. He thinks I need to stay home for a while."_

" _You don't think so, do you?"_

" _No. Staying in the house all day is going to remind me more of her, something I don't need. I'd rather distract myself. I'd rather be with you at school."_

 _Kevin's eyes had lit up. "I'd miss you if you weren't here."_

 _Kurt cuddled closer into him. "I'd miss you too. I'm going to argue it, to try and get my dad to see my point of view."_

" _You think he'll let you?"_

" _I'm not sure. I hope so."_

In the end, Kurt had argued his case well for Burt to let him go back to school.

It wasn't so much harder, going back. Kurt had always been an eager learner and an avid reader so diving back into education had helped somewhat. He thought less about his mother and more about his grades, which were always perfect. He hadn't let them slip throughout the entire ordeal. He hadn't let himself.

Kids were strange around him, unsure of how to act. Their teacher had sent Kurt on an errand and Kevin had told him that she had briefed them on Kurt's situation and asked them to be nice to him for a while.

That wasn't too difficult since most of the kids loved Kurt anyway and the ones who didn't were too scared of Kevin to do anything about it. The only kid who had even been directly mean to Kurt had met the business end of a Kevin Pearson right hook.

Kurt had scolded his best friend for that, proclaiming that violence was never the right answer, even if somebody else starts it first. Kevin had apologised and admitted that he had just been so angry about somebody treating Kurt incorrectly. Kurt had waved it off, saying that every kid was different and nobody was going to be liked by everyone. Except for maybe Kevin, whom everyone adored.

Kurt didn't know if he could have re-adjusted to life after Elizabeth without Kevin, who had been nothing but his rock throughout the entire process. Kevin had done it happily, with no complaints.

One day, Kurt had wondered why Kevin stuck with him for all of that time, the five years in which they had been friends.

" _I just don't get it. We have barely anything in common and I definitely haven't been the best friend to you lately."_

 _Kevin had simply taken Kurt's hand in his and smiled, looking directly into his eyes. "Because, Kurt Hummel, you are the only person who has ever convinced me to sit down and watch seventeen hours of Project Runway with him."_

 _Kurt had rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious."_

" _So am I. From when we were three, I've never been so attached to one person before. From the stories Mom tells, I walked straight up to you and pretty much demanded that we be friends. And you didn't protest. And we have_ each other _in common. We don't need to like the same movies or eat the same food at lunch to be best friends, we just are. All I know is that I couldn't imagine my life without you and I'm going to be there for you until you no longer need me."_

Kurt had been more than satisfied with Kevin's answer.

Truth be told, he couldn't imagine a life where Kevin wasn't around.

When Kurt was nine, he came to a major realisation that he knew that he had to share with Kevin.

 _Kurt had taken the deepest of breaths and cleared his throat._

" _I'm gay."_

 _Kevin had looked up from his video game and nodded. "Okay."_

 _Kurt's eyes had bulged. "What?"_

 _Kevin shrugged. "I mean, you like boys, that's what that means right?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Well, it doesn't make a difference to me. It's your life and you like boys. I'm still going to be your best friend in the world, Kurty."_

" _Kev."_

" _What I'm saying is...it's okay with me. I don't see you any differently than I did yesterday."_

" _You're the best, you know that?"_

" _In fact I do," Kevin had replied. "So...you got any boys on your mind?"_

 _Kurt had blushed so deeply. "Maybe one."_

" _Do I know him?"_

" _Finn Hudson...he plays football with you."_

 _Kevin had nodded. "Yeah, Finn's a decent guy. I was worried you were going to say Puckerman."_

" _Ew, that's_ gross _, Kev!"_

 _Kevin chuckled and roped Kurt into a fierce hug. "I love you."_

" _Love you too."_

" _Not in a gay way, though, right?"_

 _Kurt punched his arm._

" _I was kidding!"_

" _I know."_

Kurt's sexuality truly didn't change a thing between them. It just meant that while Kevin was crushing on Santana Lopez, Kurt was mooning over Finn Hudson.

As they grew up, their crushes changed (well, Kevin's did. Kurt was still obsessed with Finn Hudson in just about every way) and so did their opinions on what that meant for them.

Kevin hit puberty around age thirteen. He shot up seven inches over a summer and towered over a still pre-pubescent Kurt. He grew some light facial hair which Jack had taught him how to shave when the time came.

And he had started thinking about sex.

" _I don't want to hear that from you, Kevin Pearson!" Kurt had shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears in protest._

 _Kevin had just smirked in response. "You're so adorable. So you don't want to hear about this hair I found...?"_

" _No!" Kurt had squeezed his eyes shut._

" _We're thirteen, Kurt, we're not babies anymore. Things like this are going to start happening."_

 _Kurt had scowled, opening his eyes. "I swear if you give me Mr. Rice's version of the classic 'your bodies are changing before your eyes' speech, I'm going to find that hair and yank it out."_

 _Kevin had raised a brow. "You just wanna get up close and personal with my personals."_

 _Kurt had grimaced. "That's a terrible thing to say. I wouldn't touch you if you were the last man on Earth."_

" _When will you love me, Kurty? It's been ten years!"_

" _The day that Oprah stops being a revolutionary."_

 _Kevin had shrugged and let out a burp._

 _Kurt had crossed to the other side of the room. "You are obscene. This is why Santana won't date you!"_

" _That's mean, Kurty," Kevin had pouted rather adorably._

 _Kurt had sighed. "Ugh, why must you pout like that when you know I can't deny you when you do it?"_

 _He had waited a second._

" _Oh. Manipulation via pout. An interesting if not juvenile tactic. Nonetheless, I'm going to bake cookies if you wanted to stick around?"_

 _Kevin had licked his lips in anticipation. "You know I can't say no to your baking."_

 _Kurt had swatted him on the head. "Idiot."_

Their freshman year was fast approaching and Kurt was assembled with the Pearson family at dinner. Burt had to work overtime at the shop, but Kurt was still committed to their weekly dinners as a big family.

Rebecca served their slices of pie as everyone took their seats at the table.

"So how is everybody feeling about high school?"

Randall fidgeted. "I'm looking forward to harder work."

Kurt subtly kicked Kevin under the table so he didn't make a comment about that.

"I just hope I make some new friends," Kate admitted sheepishly. Her middle school friends had not been kind to her. Kurt had yelled at them in the playground, but they hadn't heeded his words at all.

"I think I'm going to join Glee Club," Kurt said with a nod and a glance at Kevin. They hadn't talked about that yet. Kevin was going to try out for football and would have no interest in joining Glee Club. He was very talented with a great singing voice, but secretly cared about his reputation and standing with the social population of whatever surroundings he was in.

"I think that's great," Jack hummed as he swallowed his food. "You should think about that too, Kate."

Kate looked to Kurt nervously.

"It'd be great to have someone to audition with. We could work on a number. We haven't done that in forever."

"What about you, Kev?" Rebecca asked pointedly.

"Glee Club?"

She shook her head. "High school."

Kevin shrugged. "As long as I make the football team, I don't really care too much."

Jack nodded but Rebecca frowned.

"I hope that's code for 'I'm going to focus really hard on my schoolwork and keep my grades up'."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Of course. As if Kurt would let me flunk anything."

Kurt smiled proudly. "Grades are important, Kev. And you're more than smart enough to do well."

A smile flitted across Kevin's face, one that was reserved for special Kurt compliments. They came often enough, but they still surprised him.

That night, Kurt and Kevin stayed up talking as they usually did, addressing their more private concerns for the coming year, ones they wouldn't share with their families.

"What do you think of me and Kate joining Glee Club?"

Kevin leaned on his elbow, facing Kurt. "I think it's great."

"So you're not gonna say that you think it's lame and that you'd rather we didn't join and bring down your rep?"

A hurt look crossed Kevin's face. "Is that really what you think of me?"

Kurt knew he had messed up. "No. Not exactly. I just...I know what you reputation means to you. I know that your football friends are going to think Glee Club is lame. Association with it and us is going to give you crap."

Kevin frowned. "I don't see your point."

"My _point_ is that they might drive you to make a choice and I don't want that for you."

Kevin sighed. "Look, I get it. I know that football and you guys being in Glee Club isn't going to be the easiest thing to deal with. But you and Kate and Randall are my people. Nothing comes before that, not even football."

Kurt nestled his head in the crook of Kevin's neck. "Thank you."

"Anyway, this is presuming I make the team."

"You'll make the team," Kurt assured him.

"If Finn doesn't make it, I'm certainly not going to make it."

Kurt blushed. Kevin could sense that without even having to look at him.

"Aw, are you nervous for Finn this week? And not your super awesome and super-hot best friend?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're both great players and you'll both make the team. I'm not worried about either of you."

Kurt would soon come to find out that worrying about Kevin and Finn was the least of his worries. High school would come around and nothing would be the same.

But at least he had Kevin.


	2. Strike Me Down

Chapter 2- Strike Me Down

* * *

When up and coming football star Kevin Pearson walked through the doors of William McKinley High School with his arm slung firmly around Kurt Hummel's shoulders, people took notice and started to talk.

The first day of freshman year had dawned upon them quickly, neither of them getting enough sleep that night. Kurt had sneaked in a few hours after two while Kevin had joined him around three. From then, Kurt slept soundly until his ungodly alarm blaring at six thirty, blasting Kevin from an almost peaceful slumber. Kevin, as usual, had begged for just thirty more minutes, but it was not to be. Kurt turned on his Alanis album and wouldn't let him rest until he had gotten out of bed.

So Kevin had risen from his nest and stumbled over to his closet to find a shirt to throw on. After several closet jokes aimed at Kurt, who had insisted that Kevin take a shower before he be seen with Kurt in a public space, Kevin picked something to wear. It turned out that Kurt had organised Kevin's wardrobe with the hope that he would choose the thing directly in the middle without thinking about it. Kurt had manoeuvred it so that his favourite button down of Kevin's was precisely where he knew Kevin would select his outfit from. Kevin was none the wiser to Kurt's scheming; exactly the way it had always been.

"It's the first day," Kurt complained as they bumbled through the hallways, unsure of a real direction. "Why are they already whispering?"

"Just think of it like middle school, only with more people. Eventually, we'll drown them out. We're us: people are always going to talk."

Kurt shrugged. "This is their first impression of us, Kev. They might think we're..."

"Gay?" Kevin chuckled.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "They might get the wrong idea about us. I know that this is just our dynamic that comes from being friends for like eleven years. We know that. They don't."

"So they'll assume. Big deal."

Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm being overly pedantic again. I just want the best for you here."

Kevin shrugged. "You're the best for me here."

"Now saying things like that might make them think we're gay."

"Let them."

Kurt scoffed. "I wish I could be as lax as you are about things."

"If you were, who would remind me about homework deadlines?"

"I'm sure I can ask Aunt Rebecca."

Kevin was deathly silent.

"I just can't stop worrying about what high school might do to us. It's going to change us."

"Probably. We just have to see how it does and roll with it. And no matter what happens, we always have to be there for each other. Agreed?"

Kurt smiled. "Of course." He reached out his hand and Kevin grasped it. They performed their signature deal-making handshake, an intricate sequence of gestures that only they could understand and follow.

When the time came to separate, both were reluctant.

"I'll...see you at lunch?"

"How about we meet right here? So nobody gets lost and we can find a place to eat together?"

Kevin grinned. "You're adorable. But yeah, let's meet right here."

* * *

Kevin and Kurt had very separate mornings.

Kevin was finding out first hand just how fast things spread around high school, even for his first few hours as a freshman.

His friend, and object of Kurt's affections, Finn Hudson walked into his Math class and Kevin could not have been more thankful.

"Hey, what's up, man?" Kevin greeted, high-fiving Finn as the boy sat down.

Finn's eyes darted around the room. "Dude. People are _talking_."

Kevin frowned. "It's not even eleven yet. I've had two classes. What could people be talking about?"

"Did you make out with Kurt in the hallway?"

Kevin's eyes bulged. "What? No! Of course not. Is that what you heard?"

"Some really loud girl in my Bio class was talking about how great it was to have gay freshman so unafraid of being out of the closet."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Did you tell her I wasn't?"

"Nah, man, she's _intense_. Plus, it's just a rumour, it'll die down eventually. Don't worry about it, nobody's gonna think you're gay."

Kevin's mouth tightened. "I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about Kurt. He didn't want to come out just yet to everyone and he's gonna be...he's gonna have a hard time with this."

The teacher walked in at that moment and began to summarise the curriculum for the coming semester, littered with vocabulary that Finn leaned in to mutter questions about. Kevin made a note to set up a more frequent study time with Kurt. He was going to need it.

Kevin was fairly smart, mostly because of the influence Kurt had on his education. Kurt's anxiety often transferred to Kevin not getting his homework done on time and would pester until Kevin sat down to do it.

Rebecca often thought and said that Kevin's only problem was his less than stellar work ethic. He knew the material when learned, but wouldn't be able to apply himself to his studies, which Kevin thought was just a polite way of calling him lazy. Jack would come right out and say that Kevin should put more effort in, but the boy was in a rebellious phase. Therefore he would only listen to the one person who wouldn't let him rebel.

Kurt liked it when Kevin was doing his best, so Kevin would do his best, often feeling like he owed his academic triumphs to Kurt's doggedness. Kevin was surprised it didn't annoy him, as it did when Randall did it.

Randall would simply stress the importance of homework and wonder how Kevin was going to learn anything if he didn't pay attention in class and didn't do the homework that was set for them each day. Now _that_ was annoying. Randall never did it in the caring way that Kurt and Rebecca did, but more in the preachy manner that Kevin would never subscribe to. He knew that Randall would go the furthest academically out of all of the Pearson children, and even the adults, but Randall didn't seem to understand that academics were not, in fact, everything and that there were other options one could go down for after graduation. Kevin knew that Kate wanted to go into singing, at least at this moment in time, and Kevin was aiming to get a football scholarship and make a start towards the professional career he wanted, but Randall was the most unsure, even for the one with the most clear path.

Randall just wanted to get the best grades he could. He adored math and science, but didn't quite know what he wanted to _do_ with them yet. Which was fine, Kevin thought, considering that they were freshman and were in no hurry to decide their futures, but he figured that Randall would preach less considering he had more thinking to do about his career.

Kevin knew that Kurt was a mixture of Kate and Randall. His grades were stellar and would challenge Randall for the top of their class when the time came. But he also adored performing arts and would want to make a career out of that. He definitely could. Kevin loved his singing voice and went to every one of his plays and ballet recitals. Kate had quit ballet very early on but Kurt had persisted, becoming one of the best in the class. Only one girl proved to be more proficient than he, something that bothered Kurt more than a little bit. He longed to be the best at something. Kevin rather thought nobody in the entire state could challenge him when it came to singing.

Kurt had a one in a million voice. He was a countertenor, or so Kurt had told him, which was apparently really rare or something. His range was better than Kevin had heard with most professional musicians. He and Rebecca would sit around the Hummels' piano and belt out jaunty show tunes whenever dinner was running a little late. Jack, Kevin and Burt would all stare at the duo with the same enchanted look in their eyes.

Kevin sighed as he thought about how hard high school was going to be for Kurt.

"Dude..." Finn nudged him. His eyes flickered over to the teacher, who was stood patiently, staring at him.

Kevin raised his hand for rollcall and stared down at the desk, flushing.

"What's going on with you? You're not still worrying about Kurt, are you? He's gonna be fine."

* * *

Kurt Hummel, as it stood, was not at all fine.

He supposed it was his own fault.

Throughout elementary school and middle school, Kurt had always had Kevin around. The teachers had noticed how inseparable they were and stuck them together to avoid running the risk of tantrums and distraction. They would stay together all day and then go home together most days and study or do whatever activity they had planned that day. Kurt had supposed that it wasn't the healthiest dynamic, but Kevin was his _person_ , the one person who truly knew everything about him. That wasn't saying much considering Kurt didn't have a lot of people around him. His father was inattentive at best and Kurt didn't really have a wide circle of friends. The Pearsons were really his family, as hard as that was to admit to himself and his conscience.

He knew that Elizabeth's death had greatly affected his relationship with his father. And in the worst way possible. While Burt had detached himself from Kurt, who resembled Elizabeth massively in both physical appearance and personality, Kurt had done the same and enveloped himself in Kevin. Burt was the only one who would look at him like he was broken afterwards. Kevin knew how he grieved, Jack was never the type to bring it up and Rebecca followed his cue. Kate and Randall would sometimes check in, knowing that he would rather be talking to Kevin about it if he was going to talk to anyone.

Whenever he was at home, Kurt would usually navigate the house by himself. He didn't really need Burt for a lot of things, which should have clued him in to a couple of things that he hadn't quite learned yet.

So now he sat, without Kevin, wondering what he was supposed to do now.

Randall had been in his first class, English, but the teacher had been petty about seating and had assigned an alphabetical seating chart. Randall had looked just as dismayed as Kurt had about it. The two of them often worked well together, partner projects would have been ten times easier without the seating chart.

So Kurt had sat with a pretty blonde girl, who he had found out was called Quinn. She seemed smart and capable and they talked about their aspirations for high school.

Quinn was aiming to be head cheerleader someday. Kurt wanted to roll his eyes at the cliché that was radiating from her in waves, but stifled himself when he realised that Kevin was much of the same cliché just the opposite way around. Attractive, athletic with leadership abilities? Kevin and Quinn seemed to be cut from the same cloth. Although Kurt had found out that Quinn was much more straightforward about what she wanted and what she was willing to do to get it.

That both terrified and impressed him.

Kurt's own answer had been a feeble mumble about good grades and aspirations for New York someday. Quinn had shared his own love of the city, but was much more impressed by Los Angeles, somewhere she had been once on vacation and longed to go back ever since.

"So do you already have friends here?" Kurt wondered easily.

Quinn nodded. "I met some girls at cheerleading try-outs over the summer. They're nice enough, I guess. What about you?"

"I came here with my best friend from childhood and his brother and sister. It's made the whole transition a lot easier, I know that much."

"That's pretty lucky. Can I ask you something?"

Kurt frowned, wondering what she could possibly want to ask him with that solemn, serious tone she had adopted. "Sure...?"

"Are you...uh... _gay_?" She had mouthed that last part, eyes flickering to her classmates.

Kurt had blushed deeply. _Now's your chance, Kurt. Decide who you want to be this year. The closet case who's afraid of what people think or the brave trendsetter who doesn't give a shit_.

Kurt nodded.

Quinn shrugged. "I kind of figured. You're dressed _way_ too nicely to be straight."

"Thanks, it's Calvin Klein."

"I know," Quinn smirked back at him.

Kurt gaped. This would be fun.

Unfortunately, that was where the fun stopped for Kurt's morning.

He longed for the day that he and Kevin could walk from class to class together, but Kevin's timetable had him on the other side of the building so they had to walk alone. Quinn had flitted off after English class and Kurt was forced to walk to his next class by himself.

But at least he was about to walk to meet Kevin for lunch.

"Hey gay kid!" A loud voice yelled through the hallway.

Kurt held his head high as bile rose in his throat. He turned, only to be met with an icy bath of liquid that coated his face.

His eyes stung as he dripped down his meticulously curated outfit. He squeezed them shut as his body was sent flying into somebody's locker.

He inched his eyes open and saw the retreating backs of his assailant.

From that moment on, he knew two things:

One: That high school was going to be hell on earth.

Two: That he couldn't show up to lunch covered in a slushy or else Kevin would freak out about it.

Kurt slipped into the bathroom nearby and prayed nobody was in there.

Bracing his hands on the sink, Kurt stared deeply into the mirror, his soaked reflection gazing back at him.

"You are Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. You're stronger than this," Kurt whispered as his bottom lip trembled. "You will not cry."

* * *

Kevin placed his foot against the wall behind him as he checked his watch. He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick ' _Where are you?'_ to Kurt's phone. Maybe he was just running late.

After ten minutes, Kevin decided that Kurt wasn't coming. Something was off and he knew that he needed to and find Kurt.

Eventually, Kevin found him in the boys' bathroom, cleaning bits of blue slushy from his face and pristinely styled hair.

"Kurt!"

"Kev." Kurt eyes lit up as the boy entered the room, racing towards him. Kevin pulled Kurt into him and the smaller boy sank into the embrace.

"Ugh, I'm all wet."

"Who did this to you?" Kevin's face hardened angrily.

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know. Some jocks, I guess. They shouted 'gay kid' and then threw this at me and shoved me into the lockers. It's the first _day_ , Kevin."

Kevin clenched a fist. "I'm going to find out who it was."

"Didn't you hear me? It's the first _day_. You can't go causing trouble, you'll be known for it."

Kevin shook his head. "I don't care about that. Nobody hurts you and gets away with it. Ever. You hear me? I'm going to try my best not to let this happen again, but if it does, you need to tell me exactly what happens. Got it?"

Kurt nodded shakily.

"Good. Are you going to be okay for the rest of the day? We have last period together so I'll see you then before your Glee audition."

Kurt bit his lip. "Oh, crap, the audition. I'm going to be covered in slushy."

Kevin took Kurt's face into his hands. "None of that is going to matter once they hear you sing. You're going to get in. And I'm going to make the football team and we're going to be alright."

"Why are you somehow always the voice of reason?"

"Because I'm the one who knows things are going to work out. Because what we have is stronger than anything else that can come our way. No matter what, we'll have each other."

Kurt nodded. "Always. And you're gonna make the team."

Kevin smirked. "So is Finn."

Kurt looked away notably. "And that's enough out of you."

Kevin nudged him. "Dude, he looks so hot today."

"You're the _worst_."

* * *

The end of the day came rather quickly. They had History last period, one of Kevin's stronger subjects. Kurt had managed to almost salvage his hair for the rest of the day but his clothes were damp and there was nothing he could have apart from let them dry off naturally throughout the afternoon.

"Is this weird?" Kevin whispered as they took notes on the Greeks.

Kurt frowned. "Is what weird?"

"This. Being in high school. I can't make my mind up about whether this is weird yet or not."

"It's certainly different," Kurt agreed quickly. "It's so much bigger than middle school. Everything's just so...big."

"And that's just my dick," Kevin chuckled.

Kurt slapped his arm. "You're disgusting. And also incorrect."

"Oh really?"

"Very much so. Just remember how much I truly know about you, Kev."

Kevin's eyes bulged slightly. "Okay, I'll be good. Promise."

As if taunting them, the bell rang after the longest day in recorded history. Or at least that's what Kurt commented about it. Kevin had groaned and asked the resident drama queen to take off her tiara for a few seconds. Kurt had simply slapped his shoulder and wished him luck at "football auditions" as he waited for Kate to show up.

She appeared in the doorway not a few minutes later.

"Kate! Hey, how was today?"

She smiled sheepishly. "It was...fine. Some girl was being rude to me at lunch but...what happened to you?"

Kurt scowled. "Slushy attack."

"Oh god, Kurt. I know how much you love that outfit. It'll dry clean, right?"

Kurt shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure, but I hope so. It doesn't matter, I'll just bring a spare outfit tomorrow just in case. You ready to do this?"

Kate nodded. "I think so. We've been singing this same song for four years, I think we're ready."

Kurt offered his arm and Kate linked it happily. "Let's show McKinley who its stars are."

Kurt led them out onto the stage of the auditorium as his name was called. "Hello, Mr Schuester, I'm Kurt Hummel and this is my very close friend Kate Pearson. We were hoping that we could audition together, we've already prepared a song."

Mr. Schuester nodded. "That's fine with me, guys. Whenever you're ready."

Kurt nodded with a smile to the man playing piano. The opening chords started and they took their place.

Kate stepped forward as was her cue. " _I'm limited. Just look at me. I'm limited."_

Kurt smiled as she turned to him.

" _And just look at you, you can do all I couldn't do. Glinda. So now it's up to you. For both us! Now...it's up...to you."_

Kurt stepped up alongside her, looking into the light above him. _"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow!_ "

Kurt slipped his hand into Kate's, beaming at the imaginary audience.

" _If we let them and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you!"_

They continued the song with their original blocking from years ago, bouncing off each other effortlessly. Kurt's upper range soared into a risky harmony that only worked on occasion. Luck was with him today as his voice had never sounded clearer. Kate's sheer vocal power was amazing to behold every time, it almost knocked Kurt off balance. He regained his composure and they pulled a performance to be proud of. Rebecca would have been pleased with them.

Mr. Schuester clapped fiercely for them. "You two! That was...really, really great. Kate, your voice is so strong and I can't wait to train it with you in Glee Club."

Kate grinned and hugged Kurt tightly.

"Kurt, your range...wow. Your voice is so unique. There's definitely a place for both of you in Glee, I'm really excited about this."

Kurt shrieked happily and the two hugged once more, Mr. Schuester laughing in the background.

"Thank you, Mr. Schuester! When do we start?"

The man smiled. "I'll post a schedule on the bulletin board and then email a copy to each of you. Expect it sometime this week, though."

They exited the auditorium, marvelling at their acceptance into Glee Club, but also how quiet the large the school was after hours. No kids roaming the halls, nobody whispering at their lockers, just silence.

"I gotta go and get Randall from the library. Let me know how Kev gets on, yeah?"

Kurt nodded. "Do you guys need a ride home?"

"Mom said she'd come and get us. Thanks though. See you later, Kurt. And thank you for singing with me."

"It's always my pleasure, Kate."

* * *

Kurt tapped the steering wheel of his Navigator and squealed excitedly. He always got a post-performance rush that could never really be contained. With his excitement to tell Kevin about it looming, he almost missed the door opening and Kevin climbing in the passenger seat.

"Kev! Ew, you're all sweaty! Never mind. I don't care. Kate and I got into Glee!"

"Of course you did, I'm not surprised at all," Kevin smiled.

"Is everything okay? Did something happen at football?"

Kevin looked at him pointedly.

"Oh no. You...?"

"Didn't make it."

"Oh, Kev," Kurt muttered, reaching across and grabbing his hand. "I'm really sorry."

"It'll be okay. I just...football was the one thing that I had, the one thing that I knew I could do and do well. It just really sucks to not be on the team."

Kurt nodded understandingly. He knew that Kevin wouldn't want to hear any positives right now, he always preferred the realism. He knew that Rebecca could coddle and Jack would be encouraging, but only Kurt would give him the truth. "I know how badly you wanted it. But you're good, you'll make the team next year for sure. You just have to keep training and don't give up."

"You sound like my Dad."

Kurt shrugged. "I feel like you needed the Jack Pearson Speech of Encouragement right about now."

Kevin looked to him seriously. "Don't tell my parents. Don't bring it up. I don't want to take anything away from Kate."

"You're such a good brother," Kurt smiled. "Tell them eventually, though, yeah?"

Kevin nodded. "They'll ask. I'll just say they haven't decided yet."

Kurt started the engine.

"Finn made it, by the way."

For once, Kurt didn't blush. "That doesn't matter."

"He was really good."

"I'm sure you were too. You always are," Kurt pursed his lips as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Not today. I was...off my game, I think."

"Did something happen?"

Kevin sighed. "I don't want to make excuses for why I didn't make the team."

"You're not, you're just explaining what happened."

"Some guy was all up in my face about us."

"Us? Me and you?" Kurt was confused.

"Yeah," Kevin sighed once more. "He was talking all this trash about how me playing football didn't take away from the fact that I was a big gay loser."

Kurt almost crashed the car. "Who said this?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't know, some guy. I didn't catch his name. Nobody else said anything."

"Not even Finn?"

"He just stood there, looking guilty."

"Dick move," Kurt tutted. "Looks like we were both wronged today. This just means we have to be stronger and better tomorrow. Like you said, we just have to roll with it. We can't let them see us sweat." Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Even though my car now smells like the locker room."

"My bad," Kevin muttered. "I didn't feel like staying in there and showering after all the rejection. You know how Finn can be when he gets something good. He won't shut up about it and won't even realise he's being insensitive."

Kurt clucked. "Yeah, he can be a real dick sometimes."

"Thinking about Finn's dick again?"

"Shut _up_."


	3. Adaptation

Chapter 3- Adaptation

* * *

Knives and forks clattered against plates as everybody tucked in to Rebecca's famous steak.

She only made it on special occasions. This one was to celebrate the four of them successfully navigating their time at high school.

Kurt and Kevin had kept very quiet about their hardships that day as they let Kate ramble on about the Glee Club audition and how nice Mr. Schuester had been.

"...and he said he was excited to work with me! How awesome is that? He actually thinks that I have potential to be something!"

Rebecca smiled happily. "That's because you do, Bug."

"You excited, Kurt?" Jack questioned pointedly.

Kurt tapped his feet against each other. He was still reeling from everything that had happened that day. In one day he had been physically attacked, verbally attacked, yet got into Glee Club after performing successfully only for his best friend to be denied the one thing he truly wanted. It was a rollercoaster kind of day and not the exhilarating kind.

"Yeah, definitely. It should be really fun. I just hope we get enough members to compete at Sectionals!"

Kate looked to him worriedly. "What?"

Kurt gritted his teeth. "Only six of us signed up. We need twelve by next month if we're going to officially register for Sectionals."

Kate rubbed her hands together. "I'm going to recruit some people. Maybe some people need a little bit of encouragement."

Kurt nodded. "I met this girl in English who said she liked performing."

Rebecca smirked. "Kurt met a girl? Say it ain't so!"

Kurt sighed. "Yes, she truly made me see the light. I cannot wait to whisk her away to a townhouse in New York and procreate."

The Pearsons laughed, Kevin putting on the most convincing performance of his life.

"How was the library, Randall?" Jack asked.

Randall smiled widely. "It was great. You can take up to eight books at a time and it's open until six every evening. The librarian comes in at seven in the morning just in case people need to finish their homework."

Rebecca cut up a piece of steak. "Sounds great, Randall. Just don't work too hard, okay? You'll burn out."

"When have you ever known Randall Pearson to burn out?" Kate wondered aloud.

Jack shrugged. "That's true. I don't know how you do it."

"It's always easier when you actually like what you're learning," Randall explained with a quick nod, eyes flicking back down to his food.

Jack cleared his throat. "What about you, Kev? How was football?"

Kevin sucked in a quick breath and grinned his usual satisfied grin. "I think it went well. Coach Tanaka wanted to make a few decisions about positioning overnight so I think he's going to put the list up either tomorrow or Wednesday. I'm feeling pretty confident about my chances, though." His eyes only met Kurt's briefly for fear that he would give him away.

"As you should, there's not a freshman in the _state_ who can play better than you," Jack encouraged.

"Yeah, I'm not worried about it." Kevin just shrugged, poking at his vegetables.

They continued to eat in a comfortable silence, the weight of the first day of school hanging over Kurt and Kevin's heads dangerously.

"What time is your dad expecting you home, Kurt?" Rebecca wondered absently.

"Oh, I was actually going to ask about that. Do you guys mind if I crash here again tonight?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Dad just has to work late and I'd rather not be in the house by myself all night."

"You can absolutely stay here, you know that. I didn't think you even had to ask at this point."

"Just thought I'd check."

* * *

Kurt slipped the DVD into the slot as Kevin got changed for bed. He stepped into his sweatpants and whipped off his shirt, cracking his bed before climbing into bed. Kurt crawled into his usual spot, head resting on Kevin's chest.

"Are you actually okay, Kurt?" Kevin wondered.

Kurt nodded, the motion awkward from his current position. "Yeah. Just feeling kind of sad about this whole day. Besides, I'd rather cuddle with you and watch a movie than think about the pile of laundry I have to do when I get home."

"Won't your dad just take care of that?"

"Oh yeah, probably, depends on how tired he is after work, though. Sometimes he just crashes without doing it. How about you, you doing okay?" Kurt was desperate to change the subject.

Kevin shrugged. "I think I'll be alright. Who knows? Maybe I'll find a new sport that I like more than football. Like hockey?"

"Didn't you openly despise hockey in middle school?"

Kevin shrugged. "Maybe I wasn't open-minded enough."

Kurt snuggled deeper into Kevin. "You'll find something. And maybe somebody will get injured all season and you'll be able to take their place on the football team."

"Dark."

"It happens," Kurt shrugged.

"Thanks for trying, Kurt. But I really think I'll be alright about this."

"As long as you're sure," Kurt whispered, tracing circles around Kevin's hand with his thumb. "Now hit play, it's time to see Marlon Brando invent acting.

Kevin hit play on their copy of _On The Waterfront_ and leaned backwards into a comfortable position.

"I'm kinda like Terry in my life right now," Kevin whispered as Marlon Brando's character came on screen.

"How so?"

"Well, think about it. He's always thought he had a particular place in the world and then he starts to rethink his life and ponder on what could have been if his brother hadn't meddled in his career. He's kinda lost in the world but he's trying to hold onto to the parts of himself that he knows are true."

"That is the single most dramatic thing I've heard in my entire life. And that's coming from me."

"I kinda look like him," Kevin smirked.

"Honey, you know you're attractive, but nobody looks like Marlon Brando did back then."

Kevin smiled above Kurt's head as Joey Doyle fell from the rooftop on the screen. Kevin brushed through Kurt's hair absently.

"Do we really have to go to school tomorrow?" He asked with a sigh.

Kurt hummed. "Unfortunately, yes we do. I'm not looking forward to it, either, but I am going to pack a change of clothes in case of another slushy attack."

"I was thinking about that. I'm going to walk you to all of your classes tomorrow. I'll memorise your schedule and meet you wherever you are to take you to your next class. That way, no slushy. And if there is, I'll just give a beat down to whoever does it to you."

"As much as I love the idea of you picking up a detention on your second day of high school, you can't be there all the time, Kev."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. We sometimes have classes on opposites sides of campus. You can't run from one to the other and still make it on time. I'll be okay. Honestly, I will."

"I don't believe you, but you're right. I just don't want them to hurt you again."

Kurt shrugged. "This time I know what's coming. I know how to clean it and I've brought a spare outfit to change into."

"Since when were you the optimist of this friendship?"

"Since you decided to abandon the post and leave it unmanned. Someone had to take up the mantle. That's how we works. If one of us starts to spiral, the other stops their own spiralling and becomes the optimist."

Kevin chuckled. "We've really got all our bases covered in this friendship, haven't we?"

Kurt smiled, peering up at him. "Always."

* * *

Kurt rolled out of bed, slipping out of Kevin's grasp. He took a second to turn back and see how peaceful Kevin was when he was sleeping. He tried not to admire the boy's flawless physique, but it was harder than it seemed. Even though they had showered together, it was still a sight to behold.

Kurt often wondered why he had never found himself falling for Kevin. On paper, the boy was perfect for him. Kevin was somebody who knew him, understood him and related to him on a level that nobody else apart from his mother had been able to do. Kevin was beautiful beyond verbal expression and Kurt knew that he would look after him and care for him until the day they died. He knew that because he would do the same for Kevin.

So what made Finn the one he wanted?

He did not understand his crush on Finn Hudson one little bit.

Sure, Finn was cute, but so were a lot of guys in their class. Finn was a good athlete, but Kevin was better, despite what Coach Tanaka had evaluated. Finn was not intelligent, something that Kurt liked in a guy. Finn wasn't a particularly nice person from what he knew.

So what was it?

All the things that Kurt looked for, somebody else did them better. All the things Kurt needed, Kevin provided for him.

So why wasn't he in love with Kevin?

Kurt treaded down the stairs as quietly as possible, his throat painfully dry.

He turned the corner into the living room, the TV still on.

"You okay, Kurt?"

Kurt was startled as he twisted around, seeing Jack Pearson still laying on the sofa. "Yeah! Just getting some water," he whispered.

Jack nodded, Kurt darting into the kitchen, slowing his breathing down slightly. He knocked a glass against the lever on the fridge, icy water filling it quickly. He downed it quickly, setting the glass on the countertop.

He headed back into the living room, where Jack was now sitting up.

Kurt shrugged, sitting down easily next to him.

"Something's up," Jack muttered immediately.

Kurt sighed. He was busted.

There was some days in which Kurt, selfishly, wished that Jack Pearson was his father and that the Pearsons were his family. He knew that wasn't fair to his own father or to his mother, but he couldn't help but feel that way sometimes. Jack was everything he had wanted from Burt. Jack was caring, kind and he genuinely tried.

When Kurt had come out to Jack and Rebecca, Jack had sat him down for a man to man talk about the world and how cruel it could be to people like him. Jack had not allowed him to wallow in it, but had made sure that he was prepared to fight, because the fight was inevitable. Jack had vowed to be there every step of the way to fight alongside him and that was everything Kurt had needed.

He had then been given the courage to come out to his own father. That had gone well, but not nearly as well as Kurt had expected after talking to Jack. Burt had said he still loved him, but Kurt needed to be told that he was _accepted_ , that it didn't matter whether Kurt was gay or straight or bisexual. Jack had said it, so why hadn't Burt?

"You're right."

Jack rested back on the sofa. "You wanna talk about it?"

Kurt fidgeted. "If I was going to talk to anyone, I guess it would be you."

"You mean Kevin doesn't even know?"

Kurt shook his head. "Nope. I can't bring myself to say it. Words have power and once I admit it, it becomes true."

Jack put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt wanted so badly to flinch away, but he knew that Jack would never hurt him. Not like most other men did. "Take your time, buddy."

"Okay...well...you remember what my dad like after my mom died?"

Jack nodded uneasily. He didn't like where this was going.

"He was moody, sullen and wouldn't speak to anyone, least of all me. He stopped shaving, he stopped showering and he...he turned to alcohol to save him."

Jack winced. That was a dark time. Kurt had temporarily moved in with the Pearsons until Burt had sobered up. That had resulted in Burt demanding that Kurt be given back to him permanently. Jack and Rebecca had calmed him down and sent him home, but Kurt had been terrified. Something more had gone on there, but Jack knew that Kurt wasn't going to open up about it anytime soon.

"He's drinking again," Kurt finally croaked out. "I was taking out the trash a few days ago and the bag split. Like eight bottles of vodka fell out of the bottom."

Jack's eyebrows furrowed. "Kurt, is he...is he hurting you?"

Kurt shook his head. "It's not like last time. He just doesn't realise I'm there. In some ways, that might be worse. I know that I'm not strong enough to deal with this again, but I don't know what else to do, Jack."

Jack swallowed heavily. This boy had been through _too damn much_. "You'll come and stay here again. I'll go and talk to Burt. Let him know that he needs to _stop_."

Kurt tilted his head. "He can't know that I told you this. That's what started it last time, when I told Kev. But I can't keep this to myself anymore.

Jack tilted his head and Kurt slid down the sofa, sinking into Jack's hold. There was something about hugging a Pearson that made you feel safer, even if you were in the darkest of times.

"I'm not letting you go home until this is sorted, okay? I can come with you to pick up anything you need from there. Tomorrow, after school, okay?"

Kurt just nodded, heaving out a sigh. No tears slipped from his eyes and he rather thought that they would. Something was wrong with him, he wasn't crying anymore. That was not a good sign.

* * *

Kurt lifted his chin and plastered on his passive expression as he walked down the hallway quickly, heading for the Science wing.

When he felt the hard shove, he was almost pleased, because there was no icy follow up. When he heard the words "stupid fag" he had been thankful for the lack of slushy. There was just the stabbing pain of his shoulder as it hit the locker and the shame that washed over him as everybody in that hallway whispered and looked at him as he rubbed his shoulder and walked on, trying his best to be undeterred by what had just happened. He couldn't tell how successful he was being, but he was trying.

And that had to count for something, right?

* * *

Kate and Kurt slipped into the door of the choir room as four other people were already assembled on the front row of seats. Mr. Schuester was passing out sheet music.

"Oh, are we late?" Kate whispered.

Kurt shrugged.

Mr. Schuester turned to them. "Kurt, Kate! You're here! Excellent, I was just handing out our first rehearsal number and everybody's parts."

He handed them each some sheet music.

Kurt glanced at his hopefully. He knew he had nailed his part of the audition and Mr. Schuester seemed to like his voice so surely that would mean he would get some solos, right?

When he saw the ensemble part, he wasn't mad. Just a little disappointed.

"I'm singing the lead," Kate muttered to Kurt as they sat down.

Mr. Schuester rubbed his hands together. "Okay, before we get started with the number, I wanted us to go around and introduce ourselves and some of our favourite music. The more you guys bond, the better our performances will be. Plus, you get to make some new friends. I'll go first, I—."

"Hello, fellow Glee Clubbers, my name is Rachel Barbra Berry, named after both Jennifer Aniston's character on the hit television show _Friends_ and also the most talented musical performer in this world's history, Mrs Barbra Streisand. I'd like to be known that I am the most talented performer in this room and singing background for me is something that can only be described as an honour. You all may proceed now."

Kurt gaped at the small girl who sat down, crossing her legs tightly. "Is she for real?" He whispered to Kate.

"Thank you...Rachel? I'm Will Schuester and I'm a huge fan of Christopher Cross and Journey."

Mr. Schuester sighed as he nodded to an Asian girl to start talking.

"H-Hi, my name is T-Tina Cohen-C-Chang. I like M-Madonna."

Sensing he wasn't going to get anything more from her, Mr. Schuester nodded to the next person.

"Hi, I'm Mercedes Jones and my idols are Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey."

A good answer, Will rather thought.

"I'm Artie Abrams, and I think that Fleetwood Mac are the greatest band to ever release music."

Mr. Schuester nodded to Kate.

"Hi, I'm Kate Pearson and I pretty much grew up listening to Nina Simone and Cyndi Lauper."

Kurt smiled and waved to the group. "I'm Kurt Hummel and I'm a big fan of Patti LuPone but I also listen to the likes of Shania Twain, Lady Gaga and Beyoncé."

"Alright, thanks guys. I hope you can find something to bond over. Now I wanted to give you a quick run through of how Glee is gonna work."

Rachel put up a hand. Kurt saw Tina roll her eyes quickly. "Mr Schuester, I have no doubt that you know exactly what you're doing, but can we just get to the singing? That's what we all came here to do, isn't it?"

Kurt clenched his jaw at the obnoxious girl, Rachel Berry, and tried to hold it in.

Kate placed a hand on his knee.

"Yes, Rachel, you all came here to sing. But if I don't give you the structure and formatting beforehand, it'll all get lost and we won't be as efficient.

"So, we're going to meet twice a week up until the time before Sectionals, if we qualify, in which we'll be meeting three times a week. Now, I want you guys to each think of someone to recruit. We need six more people to qualify for competitive showcasing this season. The deadline is in a month and if you all bring one person, we'll reach our goal and be able to compete."

Artie raised his hand sheepishly. "Mr. Schuester, it's the second day of freshman year, how exactly are we supposed to recruit people?"

Rachel, as predicted, stood up quickly. "Artie. If you don't know the ins and outs of how to _sell_ Glee Club, how are you ever going to take to the stage and perform in front of a crowd? If you don't fully believe in the power of Glee Club and music, you're just going to fail drastically and none of us will be able to catch you if you fall behind."

Kate bit her lip. "Kurt, don't."

"I've had enough of her. Mr. Schuester, if I may," he added the last part to the room.

Mr. Schuester shrugged and nodded.

"Rachel, please sit down."

The girl gaped and took her seat.

"And now apologise to Artie. And to Mr. Schuester."

"And what exactly am I supposed to apologise _for_? I was being a helpful member of the team."

Kurt scoffed. "No, you were being _rude_. I don't know why you think that this club already revolves around you, considering we've been a group for ten minutes now. You haven't heard the rest of us sing, yet you've already shoehorned yourself as our lead soloist, I imagine?"

"Naturally," Rachel replied.

"Don't you see a problem with that? You're all righteous to Artie about believing in the power of Glee Club, yet you only seem to believe in your own talent. You have to be a team player, Rachel. If you aren't, we can't be a team." He wasn't yelling, merely verbally observing Rachel's miscalculation with the Glee Club.

Mr. Schuester stifled a smile and a nod at Kurt's words. He was slightly dismayed by the fact that he should have been the one saying that to Rachel, but it was his own fault nonetheless. She whispered a false-sounding sorry to Artie and Mr. Schuester before dipping her head in shame.

Kurt turned to Mr. Schuester. "Apologies."

"To answer your question, Artie," Mr. Schuester replied with a quick glare at Rachel, "I was thinking that we could take to the stage at an assembly and show the school your talent and what they could be a part of if they joined."

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Mr. Schuester. Of course, I should be singing solo to give us the best chance of recruitment."

Mercedes Jones stuck up her hand. "Nobody asked you, Eva Peron."

" _Anyway_ , we can decide on a song in the next week and assign parts and have it ready in two weeks' time," Mr. Schuester smiled at them brightly.

Kurt smiled back, mainly because of how hard he was trying. He clearly loved the Glee Club already and wanted it to do well. It was a shame that only six people signed up to audition.

He decided that he would talk to Quinn about joining and maybe influencing the other Cheerio's to join up once she did. It was a long shot, but it was the best lead he had.

His next best lead was Kevin. He knew that Kevin did enjoy performing and would need something else extracurricular to do if he didn't find a sport to inhabit his time with. Kevin hadn't shown any particular interest in joining, but Kurt could be persuasive and knew that Kevin would actually enjoy it in Glee Club.

Randall was out of the question, he hated singing and rarely did it.

Kurt wondered if he could get Kevin to ask Finn. He knew that Finn had a nice voice from music classes in middle school and it would allow him to maybe spend some more time with the boy...and that wasn't a bad thing, after all. No sir, it was not.

* * *

Kevin stared blankly at the bulletin board as he waited for Kurt and Kate. A plethora of clubs had been posted the previous day, all with a decent amount of signatures filling the lines. The Cheerio's had their own clipboard with several sheets of paper attached. The football team had had two pieces of paper next to each other, all full of messily scrawled names. Kevin saw his own name, below that of Finn, and sighed.

He was lying to Kurt about how badly this had crushed him. And that just crushed him even more.

After everything Kurt had been through in middle school and elementary school, he deserved something good. He deserved the world, if you were to ask Kevin directly. Kevin swore to himself that high school would be it for him, it would be the time where Kurt got everything he wanted and got to do it somewhere where he felt safe and accepted and Kevin would do everything he could to make it that way.

He ran a hand over his eye.

He had been there when Kurt had been shoved into the lockers earlier that day, but Kurt didn't know that. He was going to freak out when he saw Kevin's eye. He had only meant to confront the large, ham-fisted plebeian (Kurt's word) who had attacked him, but things had gotten carried away. The other boy was sporting a similar shiner, but Kevin's lip had also been cut. It wasn't making him any more excited to go home, what with the impending discussion with his parents about not getting into football coming up. Now he had to explain a fight. Luckily, none of the teachers saw and he didn't think that the bully who hurt Kurt was going to 'fess up about doing anything. He figured he was safe in that respect.

His eyes turned back to the bulletin board.

A few options presented themselves to him.

Hockey, which wasn't ideal.

Wrestling, which really was not Kevin's thing.

Drama Club, which had less signups than Glee Club, but seemed to be the only one worth even considering.

Kevin considered himself a fairly good actor, at least where his peers were concerned. He wasn't on Kurt's level, but not many were. Kurt had been taking music, dance and acting lessons since he was a kid. After Elizabeth had passed, her will had presented a fund set up by her which set aside money for Kurt to continue those classes until he graduated college. It had softened the blow minimally, but Kurt was glad for the distraction of being able to continue with ballet, drama, piano and his voice lessons. It had helped with the grief for him to channel his maelstrom of emotions into his performing, something that Kevin loved watching him do.

He hesitantly trudged towards the Drama Club signup sheet and lifted the pen, scribbling his name in the twelfth row.

"No going back now," Kevin whispered to himself.

Kevin jumped as the door to the choir room opened and a small brunette girl spilled out of it, stomping down the hallway. Kevin checked his watch and frowned.

The rest of them followed suit, Kurt and Kate bringing up the rear. Kate was talking animatedly to Kurt, but the boy was looking directly at Kevin.

"What the _hell_ happened to you?"


	4. I'm Safe With You

Chapter 4- I'm Safe With You

* * *

Kevin gaped as Kurt and Kate emerged from the choir room.

Kevin and Kurt had a policy in which they never lied to each other, so the truth was going to have to come out.

Kate fidgeted with her sleeves. "I'll just...give you guys a second. But we're talking about this later, Kevin."

Kevin smiled as she backed up into another corridor. He really did appreciate his sister, even if he didn't exactly tell her as many times as he would have liked. It just wasn't their relationship, though he liked to think that she knew exactly what he wanted to say to her and that she would say the exact same thing back to him.

"Talk."

Kevin opened his mouth to speak and Kurt held up a hand.

"No, let me guess, you disregarded what we talked about and tried to take on that bonehead from yesterday to try and prove a point. Though to whom, I'm not entirely sure. Yourself? Me? The school?"

Kevin studied his shoe because he knew that Kurt, as always, was right on the money.

Almost.

"You're mostly right. But it wasn't about proving myself to anybody. It was about protecting you, dummy. I needed to show that jerk and the others that if they hurt you, they're going to get what they deserve."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You know how much I appreciate you protecting me, but you can't keep getting hurt in my name. You've had too many black eyes that you've had to explain away to your family as football injuries or wrestling with your friends."

Kevin's eyes widened. He winced as he painful eye twitched under the strain.

"Shit."

Kurt's lips curled into his signature smirk. "You forgot about your parents seeing your eye?"

"I haven't forgotten," Kevin muttered. "Just realising how much I've got to come clean about."

"You know how this game goes, Kev. Too many secrets and they'll just wrap around your throat and choke you until you have no choice but to expel them."

Kevin sighed. "I know. You're right. I just...don't wanna let them down. And before you say it, it's going to disappoint them. Dad especially. Don't pretend like this isn't going to crush him."

Kurt folded his arms, shrugging slightly. "Sure, he wanted you on the football team, but that's mostly because it was what _you_ wanted. Let's not act like he's going to love you any less. I just think it'll be better if you're honest with them. Jack and Rebecca are amazing, they're going to accept this and give you advice on your next steps."

Kevin smiled, leaning against the wall. "Don't need any, I signed up for the Drama Club."

"Drama Club? That's worlds away from football."

"I need something I don't have to learn from scratch. I'm a fairly decent actor with the right material and word on the street is there's both a play and a musical this year."

Kurt nodded. "You're more than fairly decent, Kevin. I think this is a good fit for you, actually. It'll expand your horizons on your college applications. You'll have sports and arts and your grades are good. This is good."

Kevin nodded back.

Kurt tilted his head. "You're not entirely sure about this are you?"

Kevin shrugged. "When am I ever completely sure about anything? Despite what I say, we both know that my reputation is more than just a high school statistic. I care about what these people about going think about me for the next four years. And Drama Club isn't going to ensure that I don't get treated like..."

Kurt pursed his lips. "Like me?"

Kevin gaped. "No, Kurt, I didn't mean that!"

Kurt shook his head. "Kev, it's fine. I know how I'm treated and there's no chance of that happening to you. The reality is simply that you're not a target. Even when people have mocked you, it's been because I've been there. You're the perfect high school student, Kevin Pearson, a blond teenage dream who's going to be fighting off girls left, right and centre if he wants to have any chance of not being mauled during a pep rally. Whatever you do, people are going to like and respect you. So as long as you're doing something that you want to do, people are going to fall in line and see you for who you are. And plus, you're always happier when you're doing something you love."

Kevin squinted. "Are you saying that I don't love football?"

"Not necessarily, just that maybe you weren't playing for the right reasons."

Kevin absently checked his watch. "Shit, we'd better go. Mom and Dad are gonna freak out if we're not home soon."

"I appreciate the deflection, but we are going to talk about this later."

"I don't see what there is to talk about. I'm not on the football team, I'm going to join Drama Club and try and get through high school in one piece."

Kurt ran a hand over Kevin's shiner. "Okay. I'm sorry, you know I worry."

Kevin smiled sheepishly. "I love that about you."

Kurt smiled back before snorting quickly. "You were right, though, we should get home."

As if on cue, Kate materialised from around the corner, grinning brightly. "We good to go?"

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly as Kevin punched his arm. "Yep."

* * *

After dinner provided the opportunities for truths to come out.

As Randall cleared the dishes, Jack tapped Kurt on the shoulder, doing his best to be nonchalant.

"Let's go."

Kurt looked dangerously to Kevin, who was frowning.

"I'll talk to you about it later."

Everyone watched them leave.

Rebecca knew that something was up with Jack and Kurt and that they had to solve something together that Jack had been sworn to secrecy about. The fact that Kevin didn't know meant that it was serious. Rebecca bit her lip as she realised that something was going down and she was going to bet her wedding photos on the fact that it had something to do with why Kurt wasn't going home. And that wasn't going to be good. Jack was better at handling the emotional part of Kurt than she was, but she knew what Kurt liked to have when he needed cheering up. She opened the cupboard and confirmed that they had stuff for hot chocolate with a serious amount of marshmallows included. That was all she could do at this point.

The drive was pretty silent for the most part.

But once Kurt and Jack started to talk, it was like a leak had broken out from a pipe and there was nothing that could be done to dam the flood.

"I don't know how to even do this. It's going to kill him. Oh god, what if he's drunk?"

Jack tapped the steering wheel a few times as he turned a corner, getting ever closer to the Hummel residence. "That's why I'm here, Kurt. He won't touch you ever again, you hear me?"

Kurt brushed a hand through his hair. Jack knew that this was one of Kurt's tells for when he was stressed out. He rarely ever touched his hair once he styled it, despite most misconceptions of him.

"Kurt?"

Kurt tore his head from the window and a sad smiled stretched across his face. "It's horrible that I even have to think about things like this."

"I know, bud, and you don't deserve it."

Kurt blinked quickly. "Sometimes I have this horrible thought where I curse the fact that you and Rebecca aren't my real parents and wonder what it would have been like if you were." He ducked his head and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

Jack breathed in deeply. "It's not wrong to wonder, Kurt. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't wondered what it would have been like if you were our kid. I mean, you're practically like our son how things are now anyway."

Kurt blushed. "You and Rebecca are just so accepting. I never got to come out to Mom but she would've been the same. Dad just...doesn't get it. He told me he loved me afterwards and I guess I should be grateful he didn't kick me out, but...I don't know, it wasn't what I needed."

Jack's face hardened. "You needed him to say that he accepted you."

"Exactly. I needed to know there wasn't a problem with me, that he didn't just tolerate my sexuality. You were upfront that it wasn't wrong and it didn't change who you knew me to be. _That_ was what I needed. I needed you guys."

Jack reached across and patted Kurt's back. "And you'll always have us, Kurt. You're family. We all love you and you're an idiot if you think that Kevin is ever going to abandon you."

Kurt was noticeably silent.

"You thought high school was going to tear you guys apart." It wasn't a query, Jack knew this much all too well. Kurt never expressed his insecurity about his friendship with Kevin, but it was written all over his face whenever Kevin interacted with any of the football guys when Kurt was around. The very fear that his best friend would dismiss him for not being cool enough or because he was pressured into it.

"I don't know, it sounds silly, but everyone at high school is so much cooler and Kevin being seen with me won't be the greatest thing for him and his reputation," Kurt muttered, knowing his arguments were sounding weaker each time he verbalised them. Kevin had time and time again put Kurt before anything else including his own family at times, but still Kurt was worried. Sometimes he wondered whether all of his frantic worrying would push Kevin anyway completely, Kurt's incessant fixation of Kevin leaving him really adding up to the actual product of his fears.

Kurt knew that was stupid, but he really couldn't help but think of things like that. His childhood social anxiety had been all but erased by Kevin's jollity, but it had instead manifested itself into insecurity and abandonment issues. He supposed that with his mother's death and his father's...whatever that he was constantly worrying about people leaving him all on his own. It would never happen, because the Pearsons always had his back, but the fear was there all the same. He just didn't want his worrying to be the cause of the outcome.

"The fact is, Kurt, is that Kevin would rather die than leave you alone. Ever since you guys first met, you've been all about each other. I would have done anything for that kind of bond when I was a kid. You gotta trust how much you guys love each other is enough and that Kevin isn't going anywhere. And neither are the rest of us. _We got you_. Trust in us, Kurt."

Kurt nodded, breathing out a shallow breath as they pulled up outside the Hummel house.

As soon as the car door shut and Kurt stepped into the pale moonlight, the front door slammed.

"Kurt? That you?"

Kurt swallowed. "Yeah, it's me, Dad."

"Get in the house. We need to talk."

Kurt looked to Jack, who's jaw clenched fiercely. This would not be good. Kurt felt his stomach tilt as Jack stepped around the car towards the house.

"Burt."

"Jack?"

Kurt approached the front door, hands quivering as he walked. Burt nudged him roughly.

"Get inside."

Kurt stumbled into the house, looking over Burt at Jack.

Jack gave him a pointed nod. "Get your things."

Burt whirled around to Jack. "What are you talking about?"

Jack held his gaze. "You're drunk, Burt. It's not safe for Kurt to stay here for the time being. He'll be staying with us until you sort yourself _out_."

Burt huffed, shoving Jack backwards. "Like hell he is! Kurt's _my_ kid, as much as you wished otherwise. Three was never enough for you was it, Jack? You had to want mine too."

Jack held his hands up. "That's not true, Burt. You've been good to Kurt, for the most part, but this isn't what he needs right now. He doesn't need you stumbling in drunk every evening, he doesn't need to be wondering whether or not you're going to lay a hand on him again!"

Burt gritted his teeth. "I never hit him! I would never!"

Jack shook his head. "You're lying and there's no need for it. I know all about it. Kurt likes to paint a picture of you as something you're not, but I know what your problem is with him and don't pretend that it's not. You've always had an issue with people being gay and the fact that you can't even accept your own son is shocking."

"I don't care that he's a fucking queer!"

Kurt, from the top of the stairs, paused. "Dad."

Instead of the teary-eyed forgiveness Kurt held out hope for in the bottom of his heart, Burt was mad when he turned around.

"You been telling Jack that I _hit_ you?"

Kurt would not cower away from this. Not now, not ever. He needed to face this down. He placed his bag on the ground. "You did hit me. You were drunk and you lashed out. You need serious help, Dad. Sober up or this is the last time you'll see me in this house."

"You can't just leave!"

Kurt looked at his father, steely gaze intact. "I can and I will. This is technically my house and I'll choose whether I wish to live in it or not. I can't live with you when you're like this, hiding vodka bottles at the bottom of the trash, becoming aggressive and angry all the time. If you decide to get yourself some help and get yourself together, I'll talk about coming home. But I just can't keep living like this."

Burt surged forward and grabbed Kurt's bags in both hands. Kurt expected him to protest but Burt simply turned to Jack and hurled the bag at him.

"Fine. He's _all_ yours."

It had been Kurt's choice to leave, but he was slightly stung by the fact that Burt had barely fought for him, even in a drunken stupor. Jack sighed sadly as Kurt sidestepped his father and headed out the door. His hand grasped the handle. He turned, pensive.

"I hope you know what you just did," Kurt whispered as Burt fell against the wall.

And then he slammed the door. Perhaps for good.

* * *

Jack and Kurt didn't talk on the way back. Kurt leaned his head on the cold window and watched as rainy Ohio provided the perfect atmosphere for his ennui. Jack's eyes flickered to Kurt several times, cursing the world that yet another burden had been bestowed on this kid, because that was what he was, despite the way in which he had been forced to grow up. He had always been more mature than his peers, the Pearson children included, but he was still a child.

His outlook on the world was nothing short of extremely pessimistic which, considering everything he had gone through, was entirely warranted.

Exactly the second the door closed behind them and they entered house, Kevin was right there with him, pulling Kurt into a hug he knew nothing about. Kurt's hands clawed at Kevin's back, struggling for support. His knees buckled and his head mushed into Kevin's neck.

Jack headed upstairs with Kurt's bags, placing them beside Kevin's bed. Kevin would sacrifice his minimal closet space for Kurt's things, he was sure. Jack wasn't entirely sure, though, how Kurt had managed to pack his things into only two bags. They were fairly large and full to the brim with possessions, but there were only two nonetheless. That was when Jack realised that a great deal of Kurt's things were already in Kevin's room. Kurt had slowly began the process of moving in with them years ago, although none of them realised it, not even Kurt.

Jack slipped past the two on his way back down, still in the same position. He stepped into the kitchen and gave Rebecca a sad smile and shook his head.

Kate tilted her head as she watched the boys embrace but Jack bit his lip.

"What happened?" Rebecca whispered as he kissed her.

"Kurt's had a rough night. He told me last night that..."

* * *

"...my Dad's drinking again," Kurt blurted once he and Kevin were upstairs, alone. They were sat cross-legged on the bed, facing each other. Kurt's hands were clasped tightly in Kevin's larger ones.

Kevin's face contorted into a pained expression. "Did he hit you?" He asked immediately.

Kurt sighed. "Not since last time, no. I just...can't live with him when he's like his. He's barely ever there and when he is, he's drunk and belligerent. He yells at me for coming home late, when I arrived home hours before he did from the bar. He's spending his savings on booze, Kev.

"After Mom died, Dad gave me a set of passcodes for his finances. If anything happened to him, I could gain access to my Mom's accounts and also his. When he started last time, I kept checking on how much he was spending in case he went too far. This is far more than he ever spent before. I'm worried we're going to..." Kurt didn't have to finish.

Kevin nodded solemnly. Money was always a thing the two never could empathise with. Elizabeth Hummel was born into money, although she and Burt had decided to keep their finances separate when they married. Kurt had always had everything he needed, but also learned the value of money, something Burt and Elizabeth thought immensely important for him to grasp. The Pearsons had always _managed_. Jack and Rebecca had ensured that they had never gone hungry and their Christmases were always plentiful, but Kate, Kevin and Randall had always been aware that money was always going to be tight. They were three children and two adults living off one salary. This had aligned their thinking and they had never been the type of children to covet things whereas other children might have. Kurt was much the same, although he had access to money, he rarely used it. His personal savings would see him comfortably through college and possibly even professional school should he decide to pursue that.

"I assume by the bags that you moved out completely?"

Kurt nodded. "For the time being. Until my Dad gets the help he needs."

"Do you think tonight was the wake-up call he needed to get himself into gear?"

Kurt shrugged. "I doubt it. He's probably still bitter that Jack knows how to parent me better and knows me better."

"What stopped him last time?"

Kurt froze. He hadn't told anybody this story. He guessed while he was coming clean, he may as well tell Kevin about it. And what he had said earlier that day about secrets echoed in his mind. He was no hypocrite. "He tried to kill himself."

Kevin resisted the urge to drag Kurt into his arms. He knew that wasn't what Kurt needed. Kurt often struggled with dealing with bad things that happened to him, so if he was openly talking about it, that was a monumental thing for him and Kevin wasn't about to stop that from happening.

"I came home from school and he'd been drinking all day. I had had a bad day at school and wasn't ready to deal with him all night."

 _Kurt barrelled into the living room, knocking an empty beer can over on his way into the room._

" _Dad, look at me," he demanded._

 _Burt looked up, eyes unfocused. "What? What do you want from me_ now _?"_

 _Kurt held his gaze. "I want you to stop drinking."_

 _Burt pouted. "I have a few beers each night to take the edge off. What's it to you? I'm supposed to be the parent around here!"_

 _Kurt grinned darkly. "You said it yourself. You're supposed to be the parent. You're supposed to ask me how my day was and give me a hug if it wasn't a good day. You're supposed to_ want _to do all those things. But It's clear that you don't."_

 _Burt quickly stood, a bottle of beer spilling over the floor._

 _And Kurt flinched._

 _Burt hadn't raised his hand, but Kurt had flinched._

 _And Burt had noticed._

"It spiralled out of control from there," Kurt explained, his voice cold and hard. "I said that I needed him to stop for both of our sakes and he went on a tirade about him trying his hardest with me and that maybe the wrong parent died that day. He was rambling, saying that it should have been him and then he got this idea in his head that maybe he could have taken Mom's place."

Kevin's eyes fluttered closed and his grip on Kurt's hand tightened instinctively. "Oh god, Kurt."

"He grabbed a load of pills and locked himself in his car. I was banging on the window for him to stop and I called an ambulance. They took him in for a few days. That was when I stayed here and said that he was on a location scouting for a new Hummel Tires and Lube site."

Kevin bit his lip. "You could have told me about it."

Kurt shrugged. "I know, I just didn't know how. I was barely confronting the fact that it happened myself. And you know, once you say it, it becomes true or something like that."

Kevin took a breath. "As far as I'm concerned, you're living here until college. You don't have to go back there."

"I have my work at the shop," Kurt realised with a sour expression.

"You can quit," Kevin said simply. "You don't have to work there anymore."

"I do," Kurt countered. "Jack and Rebecca now have an extra mouth to feed, not to mention electricity bills. I have to contribute in some way."

"Yeah, try using that line on either of them, see where that gets you," Kevin chuckled.

Kurt swatted his arm. "You know what I mean. I need to repay them for saving me."

"Kurt, they love you as if you were their own. You don't have to repay them for anything."

Kurt caved and fell onto Kevin, placing his head directly over Kevin's heartbeat. "Your family are the best."

Kevin became consumed with an instant guilt that he didn't appreciate them more. "Yeah. They really are, aren't they?"

* * *

Seconds turned into minutes and Kurt was sound asleep, having rolled off of Kevin. Kevin didn't have the heart to wake him and tell him to change into his night clothes. Parched, Kevin himself rolled out of bed and headed downstairs.

Rebecca was still up, flicking fruitlessly through the television stations. She greeted her son with a smile. "Hey bud. Can't sleep?"

Kevin shrugged. "Been a heavy night."

"Your father filled me in. He doing okay?"

"As can be expected from Kurt. He said some stuff to me and I don't know how I didn't realise how bad it was getting there for him. I should have seen something."

Rebecca smiled. "You know Kurt. You can only really know something about him if he chooses to tell you. You guys are unbelievably close, but Kurt is also incredibly guarded emotionally and it's often hard to get a read on him. Sure, you two communicate without words sometimes, but he keeps the really deep stuff locked up way deep inside himself."

Kevin scrunched up his face. "I just hate that I can't _do_ anything about this."

"You can do what you've always done. Be the best friend he'll ever have. You mean so much to him and just by simply being in his life the way you are, you're giving him everything that he needs from you."

Kevin softened into the couch and sighed.

A few minutes of silence swept over the room.

"I didn't make the football team."

Rebecca turned to him softly. "I know."

Kevin frowned. "You do?"

"Carole called me about it, making sure you were okay."

"I like her," Kevin commented with a small smile.

"So do I. She was confused when Finn told her you hadn't made it. You've always been the better player. What happened, bud?"

Kevin grimaced. "You could say I was distracted. Some guy made a stupid comment about Kurt and me and I couldn't stop thinking about how angry I was. We were running drills and I was just...somewhere else, I guess."

Rebecca rubbed his shoulder. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

Kevin shrugged. "I think it's okay. I signed up for Drama Club and I think I'm taking it better than I should be."

"Drama Club, huh? I'm proud of you, Kev. You handled this really well and with maturity."

Kevin twiddled his thumbs awkwardly. "Does Dad know?"

"I didn't say anything to him. I wasn't sure you would've appreciated me doing that."

Kevin grinned. "Thanks. I just don't want him to be disappointed in me. Randall's gonna get amazing grades and Kate's gonna shine in Glee Club and I don't really have anything apart from football. You remember when he used to come to my games and be the loudest person cheering?"

Rebecca nodded fondly.

"I always knew how proud he was of me. I could see it in his eyes. And now I don't have that anymore. I'm just...mediocre."

"Hey. You are anything but mediocre, okay? Football was never your everything. You excel at every sport you've ever tried, you got the lead in the school play last year, your grades are far better than you think I know they are. I know you like to pretend you're not smart for whatever reason, but they're _good_ , Kevin. Really good. I don't want you feeling like your dad isn't going to be proud of whatever you do. You think just because Randall hasn't taken up singing it means that I'm not proud of him?"

Kevin stared at her pointedly.

"The point is, all three of you are wonderfully unique and you all have your strengths and weaknesses. Your dad and I are going to love you no matter what those are, no matter what you decide to do with your lives.

"You should talk to your dad tomorrow."

"I'm going to. Thanks, Mom. I love you."

Rebecca was startled at the words she didn't get to hear enough and basked in the glow of how they made her feel. "Oh, I love you too, sweetheart."

They hugged tightly before Kevin got some water and returned upstairs.

He gazed upon a slumbering Kurt, who looked stressed even in his sleep. Kevin wondered if he was having a nightmare and a strong feeling swelled in his stomach and he wanted to fight those dreams away because Kurt deserved at least some time for peace and quiet where he didn't have to worry about anything.

Kevin would make sure he was always safe, no matter what it took.

* * *

The clock ticked as English class started and their teacher passed out the assigned texts for that particular module.

As a copy of Fitzgerald's _The Great Gatsby_ dropped onto his desk, Kurt turned around to Randall and caught his eye with a smirk. The other boy grinned in delight when he saw the book. The two had been reading and discussing this book for years and they would finally be studying it in an academic environment. This was a success.

Quinn Fabray flicked through her copy with a smile.

"I like to check them for vandalism just in case a slacker got bored and decided to doodle."

Kurt turned his lips into a grin. "That's smart. I like you, Fabray."

"You're not so bad yourself, Hummel. Though you'd be even better if you put a good word in for me with your friend."

Kurt frowned. "My friend?"

"The cute blond you're always with."

Kurt's chest tightened. "Kevin?"

"That's the one. I've been eyeing him since day one and he hasn't so much as even _looked_ at me. I think his friend Finn is interested, though, which could be tricky."

Kurt's eye twitched quickly. "Sure, I can definitely talk to him about it."

"You don't like him, do you? Kevin, I mean. You guys are just friends?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Good. I wouldn't want to overstep and encroach on your territory."

"Yeah, he's not my territory. I mean, when I say we're best friends, we're pretty much joined at the hip at this point, but it's never been like that."

Quinn's eyes narrowed. "I see. It must have been nice having him around growing up."

Kurt beamed. "It really was. He always made sure I was safe, you know? Like if someone had a problem with me, he'd make sure they didn't hurt me or say things to me."

"You seem like you can take care of yourself well enough."

Kurt grinned. "I can now. Back then, I had trouble understanding _why_ I should stand up for myself. Kevin made sure I knew that I was worth fighting for."

Quinn bit her lip. "He seems like a great guy."

"The best. Oh, I had something I wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"I'm all ears."

Kurt sighed. "Don't laugh at me, okay? I was wondering if you'd give some thought to joining Glee Club?"

Quinn chuckled. "Oh. You're serious. _Kurt_ , I can't join Glee Club. I'm on track to be head cheerleader next year."

Kurt shrugged. "Okay, we have to recruit people and you're the only person who's even been nice to me since I got here so I thought I'd give it a shot. I get it, though, don't worry."

"I like singing, but I have to uphold my reputation here, you know?"

Kurt nodded. "I understand. No problem, then we'll just hang out in English class."

"And this weekend at the mall? There's a party Saturday night and I need to look my best and I have a feeling you know exactly what to pick out for me."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "A shopping excursion with the Queen Bee? I must say, I'm enticed. You're going to thank your lucky stars that we got paired together in English once I'm done with you."

Quinn clapped her hands together. "Excellent. Thank you so much, Kurt."

"Should I bring Kevin?"

Quinn shrugged. "Well, _someone's_ going to have to carry the bags and it's definitely not going to be us."

"I like the way you think, Quinn Fabray."

* * *

On the opposite side of the school, Kevin rolled his eyes as he listened to Finn tell yet another story about football practice.

"...but dude, Tanaka's no angel when it comes to sprints. He makes us do them until we literally can't stand up anymore. It's hell on Earth, you'd die."

Kevin nodded absently as he flicked through his phone. He knew Kurt was in class and they only texted during class if it was an emergency, so he left that alone. He quickly realised that while he had friends, he didn't have many that he could pick up the phone and have a conversation with at any moment's notice. He had his brother, sister and Kurt and some days Finn, depending on whether or not Kevin wanted to hear about football practice with Tanaka.

Today, though, he did not.

"I get it, Finn, football is kicking your ass and I should be glad I didn't make the team, right?"

Finn softened slightly. "Dude, no, I didn't mean it like that. I shouldn't be talking so much about football."

"It's okay, really. Drama Club auditions are in two weeks and once basketball starts I'll hopefully make the team, but I'm good for now. Really."

Finn shrugged lazily. "Okay, man, whatever you say. But please tell me you saw Quinn Fabray checking me out this morning? It's not all in my head is it?"

Actually, Kevin was fairly sure Quinn Fabray was checking _him_ out, but he wasn't about to go and tell Finn that.

"I say go for it, man. You're a footballer, she's a cheerleader, it's practically written in the stars for you two."

"You think?"

"What've you got to lose?"

"You're right. I'm gonna talk to her at the party on Saturday. You're coming with me, right?"

Kevin blinked, trying to keep up, wondering if he'd missed something. "Party?"

Finn rolled his eyes. "The party at Santana's on Saturday? Shit, I think it was Titans and Cheerios only. But whatever dude, you're practically a football player. You gotta come!"

Kevin didn't like the second-hand invite, but he shrugged, trying to make the most of the situation. "Sure, I'll be there. I'll just check if Kurt's free that night."

Finn coughed awkwardly. "I don't think Kurt would be invited."

Kevin put his hands on his hips. "And why not?"

"He's in _Glee_ , Kev. The football players aren't going to want some Glee loser there."

"Well if I'm going, he's going. And I'm pretty sure he's made friends with Quinn, so I wouldn't be surprised if she invited him anyway."

"Whatever, bro, just don't blame me if he causes a scene."

Kevin resisted the urge to snap at Finn, trying to have a drama-free day at school. But he couldn't help but feel the anger swirling around in his stomach, especially at hearing Finn badmouth Kurt, someone who had feelings for him. If Kurt knew about it, it would devastate him.

There was something else going on in there, the pit of Kevin's stomach, but he couldn't quite determine what that was.

And he wasn't sure he was ready to.


	5. You Won't Save The Night For Me

Chapter 5- You Won't Save The Night For Me

* * *

Kurt slung his bag over his shoulder and smiled as a pretty blonde bounced over to his locker.

"Kurt!"

"Hey, Brittany," Kurt greeted, spotting the Cheerio's uniform and sighing in relief. Nobody would dare touch him while one of Sue Sylvester's cheerleaders were around. One word from Brittany about it and Sue would have their heads on a stick within the hour.

Brittany Pierce was, besides the Pearsons, the person Kurt had known for the longest time, just without really knowing it. They had been in the same ballet class since they both started at the ripe age of four and had advanced together at something akin to the same rate of progression. Brittany was better than him and Kurt surprised himself by admitting that to people willingly. Usually, he would've clammed up and stated that he was better. He wasn't worlds away from her, although she was advancing at a rapid rate and the majority of the class was eating her dust. Kurt had pushed himself to keep up with her, going as far as to ask her for tips. She had been delighted that somebody recognised her passion and talent levels and had been glad to help him. Since that moment, their friendship had been easy, but strong.

They didn't talk as much as either party would have liked, but their simple communications held more than most people realised. A three minute conversation gave them enough material to mull over for at least a week. Kurt _adored_ Brittany and she thought much the same of him. Despite what most people thought about her, Brittany challenged Kurt in ways he hadn't predicted. Her outlook on life collided with his own, forcing him to think about things in ways he hadn't previously.

Brittany knew that Kurt was having a hard time adjusting to school. That was why she was there with him now, at the time the most jocks were roaming around the school grounds with full access to the slushy machine. She had seen him the previous day, outfit wet and hair ruined, and vowed to look out for him whenever she could. Nobody deserved to be treated like that, least of all Kurt. He was nice to her and was pretty much the only person who never belittled or degraded her or was surprised when she knew what those words meant. She was smart, just not in the same ways as other people. And she knew that that was okay and just because she didn't like reading and she thought that math was just unnecessary, it didn't mean that she wasn't intelligent. Kurt had taught her that.

"How's your day?"

Kurt beamed falsely. "Oh, it's been marvellous. I was shoved into a locker upon arrival, yet had to restrain Kevin from committing a homicide. My Physics teacher refuses to learn my name and I forgot my lunch today so I'll have to pick something from the lunch menu here which is mostly filled with processed foods which I don't like to go near if I can help it. And it's not even eleven yet. It's going swimmingly."

Brittany smiled. "At least you're being positive about it."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're funny. How've you been doing, Britt? I was gonna hang after class last week but things got...messy."

"Oh don't worry about it. I was out of town last weekend anyway. Is something wrong?"

Kurt shrugged. "Nothing more than usual, I'm just overthinking, you know me."

Brittany narrowed her eyes. "That's right, I do know you. Which means that I know when you're lying. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. You don't have to pretend with me, Kurt, you know that."

Kurt exhaled shakily and bit his lip. "Ugh, you're right. Sorry Britt. It's just a lot right now. Stuff's going on with my Dad and I'm not really getting used to this whole high school thing and we need to find members for Glee Club and..."

Brittany tilted her head at the pause before it clicked. "Kurt..."

"You should join Glee Club! Oh, Brittany, it'll be so much fun. It meets on a different day to cheer practice and we'd get to see each other more and you love singing!"

"I'm not very good," Brittany countered.

"None of that, you're a wonderful singer and I won't have you saying otherwise. At this point, you wouldn't even have to audition if you didn't want to. You wouldn't even have to sing if that's what's bothering you. We need dancers too."

Brittany took a moment. "I don't know how Coach would feel about it."

Kurt opened his mouth to speak before snapping it closed again. He knew better than to say anything negative about Coach Sylvester lest she somehow find out through her many sources and hit him with a truck. "You're right. It was a dumb idea. Quinn already said no."

"You and Quinn are friends?"

"Yeah, we sit together in English class. I like her."

Brittany nodded. "I do, too. She can be intense, but she means well. I think Glee Club could be fun, though. Okay, I'll do it."

Kurt beamed for real this time. He hugged her quickly, eyes lighting up. "I'm so glad! This is going to be great, we have some real potential and once we get enough members to compete, hopefully we can mould ourselves into something really special."

Brittany hummed. "I think I might be able to get Santana to join, too."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Santana Lopez? In Glee Club? Yeah, and I'm straight."

"Be serious. She has a great voice and I might be able to talk to her into it."

Kurt shrugged. "If you can, that'd be great. We need as many members as we can get so that we can compete at Sectionals."

Brittany smiled. "I'll see what I can do. I gotta run but let's not leave it this long until we catch up next, okay?"

Kurt clasped their hands together. "Definitely." He kissed her cheek. "See you later, Britt."

"Bye, Kurt!" She zipped off down the hallway and Kurt found himself smiling long after she left. That was often the effect that Brittany had on him and on most people that she came into contact with.

* * *

Lunch came about quicker than usual for Kurt, who's days were often marked by the arrival of lunch in which he would be free from fear. He would have lunch with Kevin, Kate and Randall and get to catch up with them before they separated. He didn't quite have the mathematical brain that Randall possessed to calculate the fact that he only shared one class each with Kevin and Randall and none whatsoever with Kate. Sure, the freshman class was fairly large, but he still thought there was some improbability involved in them being mostly separated.

Randall leaned forward in his seat. "You're so lucky you're with Quinn for our English project, Kurt. The guy I'm with is on the hockey team and refuses to do any work towards it but expects to receive the same grade as me. It's absolutely preposterous."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I am not equipped to deal with coasters. They infuriate me. You want the grade, you work for it. It's very simple."

Kate poked at her fries idly. "Maybe you could talk to the teacher about it?"

Kevin coughed. "Do _not_ do that. That'll only incite anger and won't make anything better for you. Plus, is it really holding you back that much? You usually love doing all the work."

"It's not about that," Randall explained, shaking his head. "It's the principle of it. We're in _high school_ now, we should be being responsible for what happens to us academically. We can't spend our days riding on the coattails of other people's work."

Kurt sighed. "This is exactly what I hate group projects."

Kevin pouted. "What about our history presentation that's due next week?"

"That's different. I actually like you."

"And you don't like Quinn?"

Kurt recapped his water bottle and tutted. "Twisting my words, Pearson. I like Quinn and she's intelligent. We're going to do perfectly well. Plus she's got more of an incentive to come over to do homework..." Kurt wasn't sure whether or not Kate and Randall were supposed to have been privy to this news, but he found himself not really caring.

Kevin quirked a brow, much in the same way that Kurt did, though with less definition. "And what do you mean by that?"

Kurt shrugged. "She's into you."

Kevin stared awkwardly at the floor, feeling something rising in his chest.

Randall grinned. "You like her back, don't you?"

Kurt shook his head. "No, this is Kev's classic 'I've Received A Compliment And I Don't Know How To React To It Without Seeming Smug" look."

Kevin lifted his head. "Well, what am I supposed to say to that?"

" _Could_ you like her?" Kate asked coolly.

Kurt frowned at her phrasing, but waited for Kevin's answer nonetheless.

Kevin shrugged. "I mean, I barely know her. She's cute and all but, from the way Finn describes her, she the high-powered cheerleader type. Seems way too intense for me."

"Oh that's absolutely accurate. Think Heather Chandler but on steroids."

Kevin shuddered.

"She'll probably try and hit on you at the party on Saturday. She asked me to put in a good word with you, but I don't roll that way. I'm not going to try and talk someone up if you're not interested anyway."

"Aren't you guys friends?"

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, she's really the only new friend I've made here. We have quite a lot in common in terms of hobbies and ideals. We're going shopping on Saturday for a new outfit for her. You up for it?"

Kevin smirked. "Shopping. With you. During a sale? You must have me mistaken for someone with more patience."

"Real funny guy," Kurt drawled, nudging Kevin with his elbow. "You've always been my favourite bag boy."

"If you buy me lunch, I'm in."

"Tacos," Kurt elucidated, grinning, knowing Kevin's super-secret food weakness.

Kevin all but moaned at the thought of really good food court tacos and bit his lip. "Deal. But I must insist on a maximum of five bags."

Randall gaped. "Five? On one shopping trip?" He turned to Kurt, incredulous. "How do you _do_ that?"

Kevin smiled. "I keep forgetting you've never been sale-shopping with Kurt properly. It's...the most intense thing you'll ever witness. Well, apart from Kurt on Black Friday. Hot damn."

Kate chuckled. "I can only imagine. Like a bull chasing a matador?"

"Worse."

Kurt held up a hand, weakly. "I must protest! I wouldn't be like that if other shoppers simply didn't try and kick me when I _clearly_ reached the belts before them. It's only proper decency to let me have it. So if I'm shouting obscenities at them and threatening to dismember them, it's only karmic balance attempting to be restored to the universe."

Kevin looked at his siblings. "See what I mean?"

Randall nodded dumbly while Kate stifled a giggle.

"You guys want to come on Saturday?" Kurt grinned.

Randall just shook his head. Kate blushed.

"A shopping trip with Quinn Fabray? I...I don't think I'd be welcome."

Kurt waved his hand. "Nonsense, if you want to come, then you should. I'll pick out something nice for you..."

"Okay then. Thanks, Kurt."

Kate could never resist the opportunity for a Kurt Hummel outfit selection and she would also have been lying to herself if she didn't want to try and make a good impression with Quinn Fabray. The fact that Kurt had befriended her and Kevin had gotten her romantic attention irked her just a little bit. Kevin usually got everything that Kate herself had wanted. He was handsome, thin, talented at a lot of things and well-liked by pretty much everyone. They had had a similar argument once in which Kevin had accused her of having the attention of their parents and Randall, while he had had to forge his own relationships to get the attention he wanted from them.

Kate had flatly denied this, but part of her wondered if it was true. Kevin was the first born, but Kate was the only girl and Randall was adopted. As siblings, they were very well-rounded. Randall had the intelligence, Kate had the musicianship and Kevin had the athleticism. It was no secret that Rebecca Pearson was glad Kate could sing, the same going for Jack and Kevin's football. Both equally adored Randall for his overall politeness and work ethic, but Kevin not making the football had to hurt his ego just a little bit.

Quinn Fabray was just another thing that Kevin had that she didn't. She tried not to let it get to her, but that wasn't working. A sudden rush of anxiety about the shopping trip overwhelmed her. She steadied her breathing without them noticing and collected herself.

"I'm gonna go finish my algebra assignment before class," she announced abruptly. The other three watched in bemusement as she scurried away, but Kurt turned to Randall.

"How 'bout it, Randall? Shopping?"

Randall snorted. "That sounds like torture."

Kurt put a hand over his heart in mock sorrow. "Oh, Randall, you wound me so."

"If Quinn's as intense a shopper as you, Kurt, Kevin's gonna need a _lot_ of tacos."

Kevin grinned smugly. "I agree with Randall."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You Pearson boys need to stop teaming up on me before I drag you all to the next Black Friday sale."

Kevin opened his mouth, but closed it smartly.

Randall shuddered. "You win this round."

Kurt shrugged. "Not surprisingly. You boys are far too nice to play dirty."

Kevin raised an eyebrow, but Kurt intercepted him.

"If I have to hear a comment about your virility, I'm going to shove my fork down your throat."

"As long as it's just your fork, Kurt," Kevin blurted out.

Kurt poked him with the aforementioned fork. "Grotesque."

* * *

Saturday came around much quicker than any of them anticipated.

Kurt was gearing up for Quinn to be talking about the party right in front of him without actually offering to invite him. He would pick out her outfit, give her styling tips and introduce her to his fashion people at the mall, but she would probably refrain from actually letting him attend said party. Kevin had invited him, but Quinn didn't know that Kurt was actually planning on going.

Kevin knew that things were going to be awkward. Now that he had confirmation that Quinn liked him, he couldn't look at her without _knowing_ the information. Kevin could be a terrible liar, especially around pretty girls. And Kurt.

Which had no connection to one another.

He just hated letting people down, even if it was the best thing for them. He didn't want to lead Quinn on, but the thought of telling her outright that he wasn't interested in her was not very appealing, either. This was his rock and hard place. Plus Finn was interested in her, which made everything ten times more complicated. Even if Kevin _wanted_ to date her, he couldn't, because of the 'bro code' or whatever guys their age had been quoting for years now and barely any of them ever actually stuck to. And he didn't want to give Kurt the real reason he wasn't going to date Quinn, because of Finn. Kurt was still crushing on the boy and it would be hard for him to hear. He didn't want to hurt Kurt like that.

Kate was dreading the entire day. Being hopeful, she craved an invitation to that party and knew that rationally, she was never going to get one. The fact that she had been allowed to go on the shopping trip at all was a dumb stroke of luck. She was fairly certain that Quinn had not agreed to it, but she was sure that Kurt would defend her if questioned. As would Kevin.

She both knew and didn't know why Quinn Fabray was so important to her. Quinn was obviously going to become their Prom Queen for as many years as she wanted to run, but she was also just a person. Kate didn't need her, but she craved that all-important acceptance from somebody so high up the hierarchy. She wasn't sure whether it was about protection from the cruel caste system of high school or whether she just wanted to be popular for once. Like Kevin was.

Kurt wasn't what one would call popular, but everyone knew him and most people respected him. He was smart, self-sufficient and had a biting, sarcastic wit that most people wished they possessed. He was also a terrific friend. Kate felt herself extremely lucky to have him around. He gave her confidence, the confidence to be exactly the person she thought she was at that time.

So why was she so worried about the acceptance of someone she didn't even know and hadn't even met yet?

She cursed the day society had churned people out to be like this and wanted to go back to a simpler time.

But with Wi-Fi. And preferably Hugh Jackman.

Quinn arrived to pick them up around eleven, allowing to grab a quick lunch at the mall before diving into the shopping excursion.

Quinn's eyes roamed over Kevin's form from her car, turning into an expression of confusion when she saw Kate. She obviously deduced that she was Kevin's sister, and therefore important to both Kurt _and_ Kevin. She knew not to challenge something when there was a definite chance it would backfire on her. Maybe the girl wouldn't be too bad. As long as she didn't cock-block Quinn when it came to making a move on Kevin in preparation for leaving him wanting more for the party, it was fine by her.

"Hey, Kurt. Kevin." She trailed off as Kate climbed into one of the backseats with Kevin. Kate smiled warmly.

"Hi I'm Kate Pearson," she greeted with a timid wave.

"Quinn Fabray. Great to meet you."

As Quinn started to drive, Kate gave Kevin a quick 'what the fuck' look. The boy shrugged, glad he made the choice to sit directly behind Quinn so that eye contact and conversation was made more difficult for them. He could see Kurt as they chatted away, talking about what look Quinn wanted to go for.

"I'm thinking something classy, but something that says 'I'm a little bit slutty, but don't think I won't make you work for it'. You know?"

Kate chuckled. "I didn't know clothes were so loquacious." It was a risky joke, but Kate's heart hammered as Quinn chuckled musically.

"Yeah, they talk all kinds of shit about me when I put them back. They feel unwanted."

Kurt snorted. "No garment of clothing is ever unwanted. Unless it's been worn by Rachel Berry."

Kate laughed. "That is way too accurate."

"Rachel Berry?" Quinn shrugged.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You have to have seen her by now. Small, very loud, dresses in those ridiculous luminous pantsuits? Makes her look like a grandmother who thinks that's what the kids are wearing these days?"

Quinn gaped. " _Her_? Oh, she's absolutely ridiculous."

"She's in Glee Club with us, where her crazy gets even more out of control."

Quinn winced. "Gotta say Kurt, this Glee Club brochure you're selling to me right now doesn't exactly make me want to drop everything to join."

"Oh don't get me wrong, she's fiercely talented. She has one of the best voices I've ever heard in real life. She's just...tremendously difficult to work with."

Kate hummed in agreement. "I got the solo for the first number that we were working on and she all but threw a tantrum and stormed out."

"She actually stormed out?"

"She did just that. It wasn't even a good storming out," Kurt commented, chuckling bitterly.

Kevin sat passively, listening to the back and forth commentaries about Rachel Berry's most hideous outfits. He added a quiet laugh here and there, where he felt obligated to, but he had never felt so out of place before. It was then that he realised that he didn't have a _place_. The athletes had their cliques and their stories to tell, the Glee Club had their small inner circle with a sanctimonious diva lurking about, even Randall and the nerds had their group and their different niches. Kevin's impending Drama Club involvement had no social circle, had no allegiances. It was just a case of doing the play/musical and then auditioning for the next one. Sure, there were cast parties and fun rehearsal stories, but he found that nobody ever really stayed friends through drama at this level.

So he was just another high school student, going to class and going home to do homework and going to class again the next day. There wasn't anything sacred about high school just yet, he wasn't linked to anything besides Kurt and his siblings.

Yet.

Maybe he should have given joining Glee Club a longer thought process.

Maybe...

"Kevin. Kevin?" Kurt clicked his fingers loudly.

Kevin blinked. "Wha?"

"We're here, dummy," Kate drawled fondly.

Kevin looked around him. Quinn had stepped out of the car and was now watching him from outside the window. Kurt rolled his eyes as he closed the door. Kevin climbed out of the car and inhaled the fresh morning air, ready to start a day of shopping with Kurt. He braced his muscles for what was about to happen, glad that he didn't skip a workout this week.

* * *

Despite Kevin's insistence on a five bag limit, it was not to be.

After searching in five different stores and buying a bag "just because I think it's cute", Kurt and Quinn had found her outfit. Kurt had somehow spotted a sleek baby blue dress that hugged her hips and accentuated her best features (which according to Kurt were her eyes and her ass). Quinn was more than happy to hear that and immediately went to try it on. Kurt had then searched for something for Kate, finding a beautiful black dress which he commented would look perfect on her. She reluctantly accepted it and headed into the dressing room, an oddly sad smile on her face. Kurt turned to Kevin.

"You want me to pick you out something pretty, honey?"

Kevin smirked. "Something that shows off my waistline, please. Preferably in hot pink."

Kurt's eyes flickered dangerously. "That can be arranged. There are a whole range of pastels that would be perfect with your complexion."

Kevin smiled. "Okay, Kurt, I know that I was kidding but I'm not sure that you do."

"Oh, I'm always serious when it comes to fashion, you know this by now."

Kevin shuddered, thinking about every single episode of _Project Runway_ he had watched with Kurt. He had actually found himself getting into it, if not for the fashion but for the cool challenges the producers came up with each week. Designing outfits for certain purposes seemed way too difficult, but Kurt always came up with his own ideas about how he would do each things differently to pretty much every competitor.

Quinn pulled back the curtain and stepped out in her dress, hair flowing past her shoulders angelically. "What'd you guys think?"

Kurt grinned and clapped his approval. "Delicious."

Quinn rotated slightly as she looked at Kevin, making sure to show off her ass. This girl knew how to play. Kevin couldn't deny that she looked seriously hot, but she wasn't being subtle _at all_. Even if Kurt hadn't have clued him in, he would've known by now that she was interested in him.

"You look great, Quinn," Kevin said neutrally, making sure to smile and appraise her without leering too much.

Quinn ran her hands down the material. "I love it. I was right, Kurt, you definitely have an eye for this stuff. You should think about being a personal shopper. For like...CEO's and stuff."

Kurt chuckled. "I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't love that."

"I'm gonna buy this for sure."

Kevin clapped his hands together. "So we're done! That's great!"

Kate snorted as she emerged from the dressing room in her dress. "Nice try, Kev. We're not leaving just yet. Thoughts?" She twirled for the group.

Quinn nodded, smiling. "Kate, that looks amazing!"

Kate beamed at Kurt, who was similarly pleased.

"I really have done it again," he crowed.

"Yeah, that's right, take all the credit," Kate shot back.

Quinn thought for a second, sighed, then smiled at Kate. "You should wear that to the party tonight."

Kate's eyes widened. "I didn't think I..."

"Well, consider yourself invited. Santana won't mind, she's usually drunk by the time most people get there anyway."

Kate squealed in delight.

"You're coming too?" Quinn asked Kurt, who nodded.

The girls returned to their dressing rooms to change back and buy their dresses. Kurt turned to Kevin, out of earshot.

"So...changed your mind?"

Kevin folded his arms. "What makes you think that?"

"Oh come on. Seeing her in that dress must've sparked something up in you. I'm the gay one here and even I'd think twice about making a move."

Kevin nodded. "She looks hot, of course she does. I just...I don't know, Kurt, I'm just not interested."

Kurt frowned in suspicion. "Okay...just let her down gently tonight if she tries anything. Most people our age are fragile around people they like."

"You say that as if you're not having anxiety about Finn being there tonight."

Kurt looked as though that thought hadn't occurred to him.

"Wanna go and look for an outfit?"

Kurt's brow creased. "Yes, please."

"Want my help?"

Kurt considered this for a moment. "You _do_ know my colour patterns better than anyone, but I think I'll be okay with this one. Finn's a simplistic guy, I'm not going to need any paisley tonight. Tell the girls I'll meet you both at the food court."

"Got it," Kevin affirmed, his hand lingering on Kurt's arm.

As Kurt dashed off to another store, Kevin blew out a sigh and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He had a strange feeling about the party that night, as if something was telling him to just skip the entire thing because something bad was going to happen.

He would go, mainly because he had never seen Kate so excited before in her entire life. But he was sure that he wouldn't enjoy it much.

* * *

"Okay, no peeking," Kurt shouted from the top of the stairs.

The Pearsons were gathered in the living room, waiting for Kurt's highly dramatic outfit reveal. He had spent an entire hour in the different stores at the mall looking for the perfect ensemble and he had believed he'd found it. He had kept it a secret from everybody on the quiet drive back from the mall, but he was finally ready to reveal it to them.

Kate was in her black dress and Kevin wore a simple blue shirt and black jeans as picked out by Kurt. Everyone had asked Randall a few more times if he wanted to join them, but he politely declined, stating that maybe he would go to the next one.

"Okay, open your eyes," Kurt instructed and the entire family gasped as they took in Kurt's ensemble.

The first thing Kevin saw when he opened his eyes were the leather pants.

And they looked _good_.

Now, Kevin wasn't having a 'gay panic' moment, he just had a thing for leather pants. Apparently on a guy or a girl.

Whoa. That was new.

Was it?

Kevin shook his head to clear it, eyes scrolling up to see a nicely chosen green jumper that was a little baggy, but it looked good on Kurt. His newly polished boots shone under the lights as he presented himself.

Jack coughed. "You look good, Kurt."

The rest of the family expressed similar sentiments.

Kurt preened. "Thank you, Pearsons. I've always wanted to try leather pants and now I've grown a little bit, I can finally pull them off. You guys ready to go?" Kurt twirled his keys in his hand.

Kevin and Kate nodded, saying goodbye to their parents. Jack and Rebecca said goodbye to Kurt, with a quick "Be home by one!" as they rushed out the door.

Kurt was designated driver, allowing Kevin and Kate to explore their tastes for alcohol, something that they were reluctant to do after seeing how it had almost destroyed their father's life. Kurt was adamant that he would never drink after witnessing his own father's downward spiral and the effect alcohol had on him. Kate professed that she would have one or two light drinks, but it was Kevin who would have to resist the peer pressure from the jocks to drink himself stupid. By his own rule, Kevin was to have a maximum of three beers and then plainly refuse anything else from then on.

"And don't take anything from anybody else, okay? We're all high school students, but you never know what people might do," Kurt lectured as he pulled up to the Lopez house. Kurt thought it strange that someone would host a party and not know every single person who was going to be coming into your house personally. It was something he would never understand; the idea of privacy and his own space was important to him. He figured it was all about trust.

They cracked the door open, each of them having not been directly invited by the host and thus not sure of their role in the ongoing extravaganza.

And boy did that word apply.

Santana's house was large enough, but the music was blasting at a raucous volume and people were running wild throughout the house. Kurt didn't know that freshman could _be_ so energetic. There was drinking, beer pong, several couples making out in the corner. There was a designated dance space by the speakers which was barely occupied save for a few stragglers grinding on each other lasciviously.

The three stood in a line, staring at the madness within.

"If this is what being popular is, I don't want it," Kurt commented to Kate, who shrugged.

"I can't even hear you right now," she babbled.

"Hey, Kevin!" Finn Hudson's voice yelled from somewhere. Kevin raised his hand to greet him before turning to Kurt and his sister.

"Go," Kurt urged, smiling. "Have fun. I'm going to go and find Quinn, but keep your phone handy in case you want to leave, okay?"

Kevin nodded.

"Okay, girl, let's go and find Regina George," Kurt smirked, linking arms with Kate as they wandered through the spacious interior.

Kevin headed off to greet Finn and the rest of the football team in the extension, who all raised a red solo cup to him in a hybrid gesture of commiseration and warm greeting.

"So you brought him," Finn remarked at normal volume. The music was lower in this section and Kevin noticed a joint being passed around the circle.

Kevin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He settled for a gentle sigh. "He's my best friend, Finn. Has been for eleven years. I'm not going to discount that because you don't think he's welcome here."

"He's not," one of the jocks muttered darkly. "You think people aren't talking about this?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't care."

"Then you're a fool," Azimio Adams piped up. "Look, Pearson, I'm not sure why y'all didn't make the team, cause we all know that you're good. Better than most of us, actually, but let us give you some advice."

David Karofsky nodded. "You're on track to becoming one of the most popular guys in the school. People know you and they like you. You don't want to fuck that up before you really get a chance to make an impression."

Kevin knew where this was going and he wasn't going to stand for it. "And how exactly am I fucking it up?"

Finn fidgeted awkwardly. "I know you don't want to hear this, dude, but every time someone sees you with Kurt, they talk about it. They wonder if you're gay or if he's brainwashing you to fall in love with him."

Kevin gritted his teeth, not sure which answer was more redundant by this point. "I don't care how many people I have to say this to, Kurt and I are just best friends. It's not any different to Karofsky and Azimio being best friends. Kurt isn't interested in me and I'm not interested in him."

When Kevin said that out loud, he became less sure of the veracity of the statement.

"So I'm going to make one thing clear right now," Kevin added, not sure when he would shut up. "I like playing football, but I'm not on the team and I really don't give a shit about being 'popular'. If it means I have to give up the one person who's never let me down, I don't subscribe to that. I don't want people around me who are only interested in how popular I am."

Kevin turned to leave the group, stopped by Finn.

"Look, man, Kurt might be an amazing dude and all that, but don't you think it's weird that you guys are so close and he's...gay?"

"I think it's weird that all you guys are so bothered about it. Are you really that insecure that you'd attack someone for who they love? And if I didn't make my case strongly enough, Kurt has higher standards than you guys anyway."

Kevin wanted to growl as that last part wasn't exactly true, but they didn't need to know that. What Kevin knew was that he needed to find some new friends. And fast.

He headed towards someone he knew even a little bit, with a smile.

"Hey, Brittany!"

* * *

Kurt turned around to find Quinn Fabray stood right in front of him.

"Quinn! We've been looking for you forever."

"Did you lie to me?"

Kurt was startled. "What? No. What's going on?"

Quinn folded her arms, a little bit of her drink splashing onto the floor. "It's all anyone at this damn party can talk about. The jocks were giving Kevin a hard time and he stood up with some impassioned defence about how great you are and that he's lucky to have you or some shit like that."

Kurt felt a surge of pride towards his best friend for being so strong in a difficult situation, but he turned his attention back to Quinn. "And you think I lied to you about us dating?"

Quinn made a 'well duh' face.

"Quinn, we've been inseparable for eleven years. We have a bond stronger than most people I know who aren't family. We're not romantically entangled if that's what you think."

Quinn pouted. "So why did he shut me down just now?"

Kate frowned. "You asked him out?"

"Not important," Quinn snapped. "The _point_ is that he's not interested in me."

Kurt gaped. "You've never had somebody not be into you before, have you?"

Quinn smiled drunkenly. "Well, look at me, it's not like anybody has turned me down before." She stepped backwards, heel digging into someone's foot.

"Ow!"

Quinn whirled around, falling into Finn Hudson's arms. Kurt wanted to laugh at how picture perfect they looked together. Instead a twisted feeling struck his stomach.

"Shit! I'm sorry, Finn."

"You okay there?" Finn grinned.

Quinn nodded weakly. "Just lost my balance."

Kurt watched with heavily concealed envy as Finn ran a hand up her face.

"Have you been crying?"

Quinn shook her head. "You'd go out with me right?" She pleaded desperately. Despite the mascara running down her face, she still managed to look beautiful. Kurt wanted to hate her for it, but instead he feel a peculiar level of respect.

"In a heartbeat," Finn muttered, thinking that nobody could hear him. Even with Kurt and Kate pretending not to be eavesdropping, they could hear him loud and clear.

Quinn grasped onto Finn's face as their lips crashed together, a powerful collision of passion and desperation which Kurt was sure was _not_ a healthy combination.

He swallowed heavily, feeling Kate's touch on his arm.

"I need a minute," Kurt heaved out a deep breath.

Kate nodded, taking a seat in one of the lushly designed armchairs. She pulled out her phone and googled the lyrics to the song that was playing as she nodded her head to the beat.

Kurt pushed past crowds of people, a strange feeling starting to set in. His head scanned around the large room, praying that Kevin was around.

Relief flooded through him as he saw the familiar blond locks sticking out in the crowd. He leaned into him quickly.

"Text me if you need to leave, okay? Just need a minute."

And then Kurt was gone.

"Kurt! Kurt wait!"

Kevin dashed outside after Kurt, who had taken off sprinting down the garden path and into a deserted side street, barely lit by the feeble lamplight.

Kurt finally stopped, heaving a breath and leaning against a wall. His shadow stretched across the bricks as the branches from the tree above crowned his head aesthetically. Kevin bounced into the street and stopped metres away from Kurt, not wanting to crowd him. He knew that if Kurt was having a panic attack, it would make things worse.

"Kurt," he whispered, making his presence known.

Kurt clocked Kevin standing there, eyes glued to the floor.

After a few moments of derelict silence, Kurt opened his mouth.

"Finn and Quinn made out."

Kevin winced. That was going to be hard, his lifelong crush making out with his new close friend. It had been like that for him in a much more minor way when Santana had first started dating Puckerman back when Kevin thought himself in love with her. He had soon realised it was nothing but a fleeting crush, but it had been hard, knowing that who he was wasn't enough for her. He knew Kurt felt that insecurity every day, so a blow like that would accentuate that even further.

"Are you okay?"

Kurt's head snapped up. "Of course I am," he said, not unkindly. "I always am. Things like this, they happen and I have no way of trying to stop them. No way at all. It's just how the world works. It sets up this beautiful fantasy life for me and then reality steps in and tells me that I can't have any of it."

"That sucks, Kurt. I don't know what else to say."

"Why don't you like her? Was it because you knew Finn liked her and you backed off?"

Kevin sighed. "Maybe partially. I don't get why this is such a big thing for you, Kurt, me not liking Quinn. She's beautiful, I get it, but what I know of her there's not much else to her that I like. If I wanted a bitchy cheerleader stereotype, I would've still been hung up on Santana!"

"That's unfair," Kurt uttered.

"You're right," Kevin nodded. "It _is_ unfair. But that's how it is. It still doesn't explain why you care so much."

"Because everyone else likes her! Finn wants to fuck her, Brittany thinks she's great and even Kate craves her approval. I've seen how guys at school look at her when we walk to class together. They _want_ her, Kevin, so my question is _why don't you_?"

Kevin stepped closer to Kurt, bracing his hand on the wall. "Look, Kurt, I'm not interested in a stupid fling that involves nothing more than body parts grinding together and then awkward eye contact in the hallways the next day. I don't want that.

"I want a connection with somebody and I know that you understand this more than anyone. If I was to pursue Quinn, she'd use me and manipulate me and I don't want that either. I want an equal, someone who understands me and accepts me and doesn't ask me to change, someone..." _Someone like you_ , Kevin barely stopped himself from blurting out. That wouldn't have helped anything. "It's like me asking you why you like Finn. You want to have a go at answering that?"

Kurt's eyes widened. "I don't know!"

"You don't?"

"No. I've thought about this endlessly. Finn is stupidly attractive, yes, but that's where it stops and...oh."

"You get it now," Kevin nodded.

"God, I'm sorry, I'm being stupid. I don't know why I'm even acting like this."

"Wasn't it seeing Finn and Quinn?"

Kurt shook his head. "I don't think so. Quinn was explaining that you turned her down and she wondered if it was because of me and I got these thoughts in my head wondering if you didn't want to date one of my friends or...I think I panicked. I didn't want to stop you from being yourself and then I saw her make out with Finn and...that's what I want."

"To make out with Finn?"

Kurt chuckled emotionlessly. " _No_. To walk into a crowded room and feel like I have options. If I wanted to make out with someone, I could go up to somebody and make a move. Like Quinn does. But there's nobody else for me in this _damn_ town and I'm just going to be lonely until college, maybe even after that."

Kevin's head was spinning. A lot of information had entered his brain in the last two minutes or so and he was struggling to process that. His speech centre was disconnected from his brain as he tried desperately to mentally rewire it before...

"You do have options."

Kurt slapped his hands against his thighs. "How? How do I have _options_ , Kevin? Tell me how I..."

Kevin leaned forward, adrenaline surging through him and kissed Kurt, _hard_. With everything he had. He grabbed Kurt's face and locked their lips firmly but with a sincere tenderness than dialled it back once Kurt reciprocated. Kevin felt Kurt's soft hands on his shoulders as they pulled closer together, intertwining in ways that should have felt so wrong, but ended up feeling so right. Kurt grabbed Kevin's hair and bit his bottom lip. Kevin moaned as warmth flooded through him.

And with a muffled squeak, Kurt pulled away breathlessly, staring straight into Kevin's eyes.

Kevin was dumbstruck. His eyes bored into Kurt's effervescent ones and he swallowed deeply. "We should go home."

Kurt nodded. "I'll...uh...text Kate. Yeah, I'll text Kate." Kurt wordlessly handed Kevin the keys.

Kevin blinked rapidly as he wandered to the car, barely remembering where they had parked it. He climbed into the backseat, throwing the keys on the driver's seat. His head bumped against the window and he barely heard Kurt and Kate opening their doors and speeding away into the night.

* * *

Kurt pulled up outside the Pearson house with a jolt, quickly turning off the engine and all but falling out of the vehicle. Kate climbed out slowly, feeling the nervous tension that electrified the space. Kevin was the last to leave, slamming the door hard. Kurt quickly locked it and flitted into the house.

Everything was on autopilot as Jack and Rebecca greeted them, obviously having waited up for them to see if they got back safely. It was barely even twelve so they were well within their curfew and not a drop of drink in their systems. It was a perfect end to the night for the parents. Just not for the kids.

Kevin got to the top of the stairs as he realised that he and Kurt would have to share a bed. He remained completely dressed, electing for a thick grey hoodie and sweatpants as he climbed into bed, moving over to his side, waiting for Kurt to show up.

But he never did.

Kurt saw a light underneath a door, shooting a quick text to Randall.

 _Don't want to explain tonight, but can I stay with you tonight?_

Randall replied with a quick _'Of course'_ and that was how Kurt ended up pulling Randall's covers over himself and turning away as Randall clicked the lamp off.

Kurt and Randall's relationship was that of few words and also many words. When they were entrained in an intellectual discussion, large words would fly about the conversation at a rapid pace, but when they were talking about things with heart and substance, they needed little verbal communication. Kurt understood Randall's emotions and Randall understood that sometimes Kurt didn't need to explain things, he just needed comforting and was happy to do that for him anytime that he needed it. And he definitely needed it tonight.

Kurt lay awake for most of the night, thoughts buzzing of Kevin and what had transpired between them.

Little did he know that Kevin was awake across the hall doing the exact same thing but with a little more freaking out involved.

But as both of them would come to learn, there are just some things that cannot be solved overnight.


	6. Cracked

Chapter 6- Cracked

* * *

At precisely three-thirty on Sunday afternoon, Kate stormed into Kevin's room, hands on her hips.

"Okay, just what exactly happened at that party that's got you two so mad at each other?"

Kevin peered behind her quickly, checking for any sign of Kurt.

It had been radio silence between them for the past fifteen hours and it didn't seem to be changing anytime soon. Neither of them had even thought about going to talk to the other.

It had been a stressful day in the mind of Kevin Pearson.

Introspection was his least favourite endeavour but his mind had been racing at a mile a minute and he wasn't sure what he was even thinking about. When he had to lay down the facts, he had kissed Kurt. Deeply. Kurt hadn't kissed him, it hadn't been a mutual decision until their lips met. Kevin had actively, soberly made the decision to kiss his best friend Kurt Hummel on the lips.

And he wasn't sure that he regretted it.

He regretted what had followed, this awkward tension that didn't seem to be going away. He couldn't quite remember the last time he had gone a full day without at least texting Kurt, probably because it had never happened. Kevin needed this boy. No, not like that. At least he didn't think so.

This was so confusing.

He had to try to distinguish the border between his purely platonic friendship with Kurt and the possibility of a romantic relationship with Kurt. How were the feelings different? He had liked kissing Kurt, but maybe that was just because Kurt was good at kissing. Lips were lips, right? Kevin was fairly certain that he didn't have any romantic feelings for Kurt, but they were so close that it was getting difficult to actually analyse whether that had any truth behind it.

"Hello?" Kate prodded his leg impatiently.

Kevin snapped out of his stupor, blinking rapidly. "Oh. It's a long story. Have you asked him about it?" Kevin couldn't even bring himself to say Kurt's name, scared of how it would feel on his lips.

Kate shook her head. "He's writing."

Kevin knew what that meant. Kurt barely wrote when he didn't have to. Only when his emotions really threatened to overwhelm him would he sit down and type something out. Kurt was a terrific writer, but that was no surprise. Whenever Kevin would read his usually brief work, he would demand more, demand to know the characters better. Kurt had a way of connecting the reader with a personality on a page, investing them. Kevin figured it was the closest he would come to describing the actual real life influence that Kurt had on him and also on other people.

"So whatever you did really fucked him up," Kate added.

Kevin frowned, eyes bulging slightly. "Whatever _I_ did? Why do you assume that I'm at fault here?"

Kate shrugged. "Because he's _writing_ and you're sitting up here playing video games and neither of you have spoken to each other since the party started."

Kevin stared at the television screen where his _Skyrim_ character had been on pause for a few hours now. Kevin had quickly scribbled in his _very_ secret journal (something not even Kurt knew about that he hid under the floorboards) and then proceeded to lie on his bed despondently and just _think_ about everything.

It was surprisingly hard work.

"I didn't do anything." Kevin wasn't sure if that entirely true, but he went with it. Strictly speaking, Kevin _had_ done something, initiated something, but Kurt had gone along with it and had put just as much fervour into the kiss as Kevin had. He could have pulled back, but he didn't. "It's just...I can't explain it right now. Can you live with that?"

Kate's eyes narrowed. "And you're both okay?"

Kevin shrugged. "I'm not sure. We're not mad at each other, none of us are seriously hurt or anything. It's just...tense right now."

"Is this about Finn?"

"You know, I'm not actually sure." Because where there was the issue of the kiss, there was also the issue of what they had spoken about beforehand. Kevin insisting that Kurt had had _options_ and what the hell was that about? This was what Kevin was freaking out about. He had said that, made sure that Kurt knew he had options, and then announcing himself as an option. That didn't sound like the actions of a best friend. That sounded like a...boyfriend. Could Kevin be Kurt's boyfriend? Did he _want_ to be Kurt's boyfriend? These questions ricocheted around his mind on a constant loop, seemingly perpetual in their design.

"Okay, well I'll stop nagging you both about it. Just...make up soon? It's weird having you guys be frosty with each other."

Kevin cracked a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

Kate left with a short smile and closed the door quietly, careful not to alert Kurt that she had been in there after she had promised to stay out of it. She was just concerned about them, they had _never_ fought before, not even a minor squabble. She had no idea what might have transpired between them after Kurt rushed out of the party, but they had missed Quinn biting Finn's tongue and then passing out on the sofa. Kate stifled her laughter just enough to avoid notice, but it was a hilarious moment all the same.

Kevin tipped his head back and let the cold water flow down his throat. All of the thinking that he had been doing had resulted in a pretty big headache, something he had never really experienced at this magnitude before and he did not like it one little bit.

But of course when he walked into the living room, his father was there, ready to give him one of Jack Pearson's specialty conversations about being a man and living life to the fullest and he knew that a lecture was inbound just from the way Jack was sitting.

"Come sit down, bud," Jack phrased it as a suggestion, his inflections warm and inviting. Kevin placed his glass down on the coaster and took a seat next to his dad. "Now, let's not beat around the bush here. You and Kurt aren't speaking to each other. Is there something we should know?"

Kevin breathed in deeply and figured that if he was going to have this conversation with anyone it would be his mother, but she was out for the day with some friends, so Jack would have to do for this one. And he didn't doubt Jack would handle it masterfully as he always did, but Rebecca always felt more comforting to Kevin.

"It's not so much that we're not speaking, I think it's more than neither of us know what to say."

"What happened?"

Kevin bit his lip. "We were at the party and Kurt got upset and stormed out. I followed him and he started rambling about stuff and he was getting really emotional and we were just talking and then out of nowhere, we kissed."

Jack's eyebrows hit his hairline. "You _kissed_?"

Kevin nodded. "I kissed him, I think. It's all kinda mixed up in my head right now. I kissed him and then kissed back and then we haven't spoken to each other since."

Jack cleared his throat and dropped his voice. "Are you...I mean, do you...?"

Kevin got the message and shrugged. "I'm not sure. I don't think so. I've never felt like that before, I'm not even sure if I _do_ feel like that."

"Was it a good kiss?" Jack smirked.

Kevin blushed before nodding. "It's not like I have tons of experience in that department, but I know that it was a good kiss. That's not what's bothering me. The fact that I may have just ruined the best friendship I'll ever have because of one stupid moment is what's bothering me."

"Hey now, you haven't ruined anything. Things like this happen and then they blow over. One time, me and your mom had a fight that lasted four days. We didn't say a word to each other for almost a week and then we talked it out and realised that both of us were scared to confront the other when we'd forgiven each other days ago. It might feel awkward right now and you might not know what to say, but your friendship is still intact after this. I promise you it is. You still care about Kurt and he still cares about you. What you have to figure out is _how_ you're going to care for him. If you want something more than friendship, let him know. He might feel the same way."

Kevin's mouth flapped open like a fish. "Do I have to figure that out right now?"

Jack shook his head. "Not at all. Just if you do decide that you want something, say it to him. Let it be known and don't hide away from anything. And I got your back no matter what, bud. You know I don't care who you love as long as you're happy. The fact that you're going to get to experience love at all someday brings me great joy as a parent. It's going to be hard, but it's so worth it."

Kevin sighed. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Then be ready when he does. This is Kurt we're talking about, he's not going to be able to be without you for too long. And vice versa, you'll both explode before facing being apart for even a few days."

Kevin rested his head back against the sofa despondently.

"Something else on your mind, kiddo?"

Kevin fidgeted with his fingers. "I didn't make the football team."

Jack frowned. "That's impossible. You're the best kid they have."

"I was off my game for the try outs, I can't really blame them for cutting me. I wasn't at my best when it counted and if I can't play at my best under pressure then what's really the point? I'm not mad about it anymore."

"Can't you request a do-over? Nobody expects you to get it right one hundred percent of the time, nobody can do that."

Kevin shrugged. "I wasn't on form when it mattered, Dad. That's what they wanted to see, that we could handle the expectations that high school is going to put on us. And I couldn't."

"Are you okay about it?"

"It sucks, sure, but it's not everything. I have a great family, great friends and I'm actually enjoying my classes so far. And I already signed up for Drama Club in time for upcoming auditions for the play."

"Drama? I have to say I'm surprised, but I'm really proud of you, Kev."

"Why does everyone sound so surprised about that?"

"It's more than I'm just happy to see you bounce back from this so quickly. At least on the outside."

Kevin blushed. "You always could see right through me."

"You're my son. It's my job to know you even if you don't quite know yourself fully just yet. I've watched you grow up since the very first day you were born. What kind of dad would I be if I didn't have your back and support your decisions?"

"I don't tell you that I love you often enough."

"Probably not as much as I'd like, but I know you do. I'll always know that. Just like you'll always know that I love you, even if neither of us say it as much as we should."

"And you can't help me say anything to Kurt?"

"I can organise you two being alone, but I can't help with you the words, bud. That's all on you and you have to make sure you mean whatever you're saying, okay?"

"So nothing too difficult, then?" Kevin smirked.

Jack punched his arm lightly. "You got this, Kevin. Trust your instincts."

Kevin wasn't sure if his instincts were the most trustworthy, considering they had led him to actually kissing Kurt in the first place. They had caused this whole rigmarole and they were supposed to fix it? Not likely. Kurt had razor-sharp instincts, so Kevin figured that he would let Kurt lead the way and then bounce off whatever he said. He knew his feelings and he knew that he would always be doing the thing that was true to them. Kurt was nothing if not completely honest with himself.

* * *

"You want to talk about what happened?"

Kurt clicked his pen and placed it in the middle of the paper. He turned to Randall, who smiled sheepishly. "I suppose so."

Randall perched on the edge of his own bed as Kurt turned in his desk chair. "Talk me through it, maybe I can help, Kurt."

Kurt smiled, realising that he didn't know where to begin. He thought about starting at the first time he'd thought about Kevin in a more than platonic way, which had been only for a few seconds one morning and had been fleetingly dizzying. But once the idea had faded, it was like it had never happened and Kurt had put it behind him. He cleared his throat and braced himself for the verbal admission of the previous night's events.

"So as you and the rest of the world know, I had a crush on Finn and—."

Randall held up a firm but polite hand. "I'm sorry, but _had_? It's gone?"

Kurt gaped. " _Have_."

"Sorry, continue," Randall said, though his lips were pursed and he wasn't too sure about where the story was going now.

"So we're at the party, right, and Kate, Kevin and I are pretty much the only sober ones left. The jocks are getting stoned in the extension, Santana's passed out in her room, and I don't know anyone apart from your brother and sister. Kevin goes to talk to the football guys, someone spreads a rumour that he defended my honour and that we're together. Quinn accuses me of lying to her about our relationship and then proceeds to make out with Finn."

"Oh god," Randall gasped. He had known that Kurt's feelings for Finn were durable and had been pretty potent for a long while now.

Kurt chuckled hollowly. "Right? So I'm finding all of this a little bit too much and I could feel my claustrophobia kicking in, so I go outside for some air. Kevin follows me and we're talking about the party and why he isn't interested in Quinn and then I go off on some tangent about how I never have any romantic options outside of fifty year old bears and how I wanted to feel like Quinn and just have everybody want me. And then your brother says some line about how I _do_ have some options and then..."

"And then?"

"You don't see where this is going?"

Randall shook his head innocently.

"We _kissed_. Actually, he kissed me. I kissed back, for sure, but he definitely initiated the whole thing. You're telling me you didn't pick up on my tone?"

Randall smirked. "I sure did. I just wanted to hear your tone and inflections while saying it out loud. The books say that actual hearing something is much better in determining one's feeling about a certain event."

"You're a sly little bastard, aren't you, Randall Pearson?" Kurt slipped the pen out of the journal, realising he wouldn't be needing it anymore. Sure, losing himself in a fictionalised version of events was something that had helped him for a long time, but that was when he had really needed to escape and he knew that he didn't want to talk to anyone else. Now that he had Randall for this, he didn't need his characters.

"I'm trying to pick up on social cues."

"So what do you think?" Kurt braced himself for Randall's opinion, along with the probable embarrassment of the cold, hard, truth.

"That depends on how you feel now."

"That's just the point. I don't know."

And that was true. Kurt really _didn't_ know. His feelings were confusing, although he could read and access his emotions whenever he pleased, what they _meant_ was an entirely different story. So he knew he had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, but he didn't know whether that was from romantic feelings for Kevin or from the anxiety of having to think about having feelings for Kevin.

"Do you have feelings for Kevin?"

Kurt sighed and then shrugged. "I don't know! I thought I had feelings for Finn, but I came to a realisation last night that I liked how he looked. Then this morning I realised that as much as I wanted Finn, what I really wanted was to _be_ him. Tall, attractive, popular, athletic. Have everyone around me just fall in line because I looked at them a certain way. I think I misconstrued what I was feeling for him and manifested itself into a romantic thing because maybe that was the easiest thing to admit to myself. Without a psych consult, I wouldn't know for sure.

"So trying to figure out my feelings for my best friend of eleven years? It seems damn near impossible, considering that he's everything I think I want in a boyfriend."

Randall was silent, letting Kurt vent himself into a corner.

"I mean, he's everything that Finn is and so much more. And he _understands_ me and he knows the way I think, he's always had my back and I—."

"You...?"

"I think I know what I'm feeling. You mind if I don't share this one just yet?"

Randall nodded. "Absolutely."

"Thanks for letting me vent. And for letting me stay the night. Even if you do snore like a steam train."

"I don't snore!" Randall shot back indignantly.

"Randall, I thought there was a small earthquake passing by each time you took a breath. It's fine though, I'm used to it. Kevin does it too. It must be a Pearson thing."

"I'm adopted!"

Kurt waved his hand. "Semantics."

Kurt placed his hand on Randall's shoulder.

"Seriously though, thank you. In all of this I completely forgot to ask about your life. How are things?"

Randall nodded. "Good. I'm doing pretty well. Now go potentially hook up with my brother again!"

Kurt frowned. "You're a strange one, Pearson."

"So I've been told."

* * *

While making sure Kevin was in his (their) room, Kurt slipped downstairs and took solace in the kitchen for a while, hoping Kevin didn't get the urge to hydrate or feed himself in the next few minutes while he mulled over his thoughts.

He didn't get very far when the doorbell rang.

And he certainly didn't expect to be opening the door to a mascara-stained Quinn Fabray.

"Quinn?"

Quinn threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Kurt stumbled from the weight of her being piled on top of him, but managed to keep his balance. "Oh Kurt, I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sure I forgive you, but what exactly are you sorry about? Here, come into the living room." Kurt released her and led her into the adjacent room.

"Finn. I looked for you after I realised what was happening but you weren't there and Kate said you needed a minute. I had no idea you were interested in him! I never would have...god I'm such a bitch."

Kurt shook his head as they sat down. "Quinn, no. I thought I was crushing on Finn, but I've recently discovered that those feelings were never really real. I was covering up something that I didn't want to admit to myself."

On the stairs near the door, Kevin's eyes widened slightly as he took in Kurt's words.

"You've done nothing wrong, Quinn. You were drunk, you made out with a guy. Big deal."

"So you don't hate me?"

"God, no. Wait, have you been crying?"

Quinn's bottom lip trembled as she fell onto Kurt. "I had sex with him, Kurt."

Kurt nodded, swallowing a strange feeling that crept up his throat. "And you consented?"

Quinn nodded. "I remember saying yes. Finn wouldn't do that!"

Kurt fidgeted with his hands. "But you were completely hammered, Quinn, he took advantage of you."

"I don't care about that right now! Kurt, I don't think we used protection."

Kurt stopped still for a moment. "And he...?"

Quinn understood what he was trying to say. "Yes." She managed to choke out the word.

"Oh god, sweetie, it's okay. It'll all be okay."

"I can't get pregnant, Kurt, I just can't. It'll ruin everything. My future cheerleading scholarship, my reputation, my dad's gonna kick me out, I..."

Kurt rubbed her back consolingly. "You don't have to worry about that right now, not until you absolutely have to, okay?"

"I guess I've got no chance with Kevin now that I slept with his friend."

"At least you've got your priorities in order," Kurt winked.

"You _are_ a bitch," Quinn chuckled.

"And I think that's the thing you like most about me."

"Oh absolutely." She purred.

Kurt sat for a second, rubbing circles on her back, her head on his shoulder. They sat in a perfect silence, nothing but the steady beats of Kate's music upstairs greeted their ears, along with Quinn's occasional sniffling.

"You gonna be okay?"

Quinn sat upright, smiling and wiping her eyes. "I think so. Thanks, Kurt."

Kurt smiled back. "Anytime. Hold on a second. How did you know to find me here?"

Quinn smirked, shrugging. "Just a hunch."

Kurt frowned, but returned a smile. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Bye." Quinn left quickly, narrowly missing Kevin as he flitted up the stairs so nobody would know that he was eavesdropping. That was a lot of information to unpack, starting with what Kurt said about covering something up. Now that was going to need a second thought. And a third. And a fourth.

* * *

Rebecca Pearson smiled to herself as she wiped down the table ready for dinner.

"Kurt, would you mind getting the chickpeas from the basement, honey?"

"Sure," Kurt said with a polite nod as he slipped into the basement, shutting the door behind him.

Not even thirty seconds later, Kevin came wandering into the kitchen.

"Oh Kev, while you're here, could you grab the chickpeas from the basement, please?" Rebecca asked as she got the plates from the cupboard.

"Yeah, Mom, of course."

"Thanks, sweetie," Rebecca smirked as she tiptoed over to the basement, sliding the lock into place. She figured it wasn't her place to meddle at all, but she knew that it was the best thing for the boys and what was that thing people said about Machiavellianism? She didn't quite remember, but she knew that this would bring the best in them.

"Where are the boys?" Jack asked as he entered the room. "I just saw them come down here."

Rebecca pressed a finger to her lips before pointing to the locked basement door. Jack nodded.

"You're an evil woman, Rebecca Pearson."

"Kurt?" Kevin stopped his in his tracks, the cogs in his brain whirring as he realised what had happened.

Kurt whirled around, gaping. "Kev. Uh...what are you...?"

"I have a feeling we've been set up."

Kurt's eyes shone with the realisation. "Rebecca."

"Yep."

"So we should...talk, I guess," Kurt suggested, staring at his feet.

"I..."

"Kurt, I..."

Both boys then spoke at the same time.

"I'm not in love with you!"

"I don't love you!"

Kurt gaped before chuckling. "Guess that solves it."

Kevin sighed in relief, smiling. "I'm not gonna say I didn't have my doubts about it, it's been hard to sort out my feelings and separate what we have from something more romantic."

"It often crosses boundaries, doesn't it? I mean, we spend all of our time with each other, we've slept naked together in the summer, we're completely comfortable with each other. The kiss just kinda...complicated things."

Kevin palmed his face with his hands. "Yeah, god I'm sorry about that. I don't know why I did it. I don't know whether I was trying to cheer you up or whatever, I really don't know."

"Well as far as first kisses go, I couldn't have asked for anything better."

"For real?"

"What have I always said I wanted it to be? With a hot guy whom I feel comfortable around. You tick both of those boxes and sure it was unfortunate timing and this day has been a complete mess, but all things considered I don't regret it."

"Me neither. I'm sorry for the awkwardness it caused, but I don't regret it happening."

"So we just move on from here?"

Kevin frowned, thinking back to Kurt's earlier conversation with Quinn. "I have a question, actually. I may have been eavesdropping on your conversation with Quinn."

"Ah."

Kevin lingered on how to phrase it before launching into his question. "You said something about your feelings for Finn covering up something you didn't want to admit to yourself."

Kurt smiled. "You picked up on that, huh? Well I was talking with Randall earlier and I realised that my crush on Finn materialised itself out of my own insecurities and self-loathing. Instead of wanting Finn, I realised that I wanted to be him. To have all of that natural charisma and have everyone worship you simply for the fact that you exist. Finn hasn't done anything exceptional to garner the praise he gets, but yet he gets it and I've never known why that was.

"I've always had to struggle to feel like I belonged in the crowds of people everywhere. When it's just us, I always feel like I belong. But when people are taunting me and I know they're not accepting me, I sometimes just wish it would be easier, just because I wouldn't have to deal with that feeling of always being on the edge. This has really given me a lot to think about."

Kevin smiled sadly. "You'll always belong with me, Kurt."

"Dude, that's gay," Kurt dropped his voice with a smirk.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "You sounded just like Finn. I don't know why you'd want to be him when who you are is so much more awesome."

"Well I know _you_ think that. I didn't get a chance to thank you for defending me at the party. Quinn said you really stuck your neck out for me."

Kevin shrugged. "Not a big deal. Those guys are such jerks. It actually makes me glad I didn't make the football team. I don't know how I could've dealt with them dragging their knuckles across the floor instead of actually playing football."

Kurt giggled and stepped closer to Kevin. "So how was your day of wondering whether or not you were gay?"

Kevin smiled. "It was surprisingly easily to figure out. I don't think I'm completely straight, but I also know that I like girls. Guess I'm bisexual or something."

"You don't have to label it, you know. If you don't want to. Wait...you're not straight?"

"You wore the hell out of the leather pants, man."

"I suppose I did," Kurt smirked proudly. He knew that those leather pants had been a bold choice and had paid off in only the strangest of ways.

"But then again you're the only guy I've had that kind of reaction towards. And I've been in locker rooms with guys my entire life."

"I think you might be Kurt-sexual. It might just be a product of our bond."

Kevin roped Kurt into a tight hug. "That sounds good to me."

"Oh I just thought of something else we haven't talked about! What exactly happened with you and Quinn on Saturday? She said you outright turned her down?"

Kevin laughed. "Oh, that. That was pretty messy."

 _Quinn stumbled her way over to Kevin. "So are we gonna do this or what?"_

" _Hey, Quinn. You doing okay?"_

 _Quinn lifted up her leg, dress riding up slightly. "Don't pretend you don't want this. Everybody at school does. And since you're not dating Kurt, there's no reason we can't go to a guest room tonight."_

" _Quinn, I don't think that's such a good idea."_

" _You're right. It's a_ great _idea."_

" _I'm not interested, Quinn."_

 _Quinn looked like Kevin had just slapped her, hard. "You need this, Kevin. You've just been publically seen defending Kurt's honour and now you're going to be called gay. If you don't want that label, I'm your best bet at getting rid of those rumours."_

"Wow, that sounded intense. She seemed to think that that meant that we were in love with each other."

"Yeah, well for a minute there I thought we were."

"Me too," Kurt admitted with a short nod. "I used to look at you and wonder why I wasn't in love with you. Sometimes I'd try to imagine what it would be like if I was, but I could never force it. Our friendship really is that strong. If we can get past this without feeling weird, we can really get past anything."

"Should we come clean about it? I mean, you said you talked to Randall and I spoke to my Dad, but Mom and Kate don't know about it."

Kurt shrugged. "I don't see why not. It's not important to hide it. Unless...you don't want..."

"If you're saying I'm embarrassed about it..."

Kurt bit his lip awkwardly.

"Kurt, that kiss was the only time I've ever truly felt special in my whole life. Even if it didn't mean what we thought it did, it still happened and it still matters.

"I know you felt it too, that feeling of being... _connected_."

Kurt nodded. "That was what confused me. I didn't know what that feeling was. It didn't know whether it was one of those earth-shattering moments of realisation where I fall in love with you or whether it was something else. But now we've figured that out, we can move past it."

"And Quinn?"

Kurt opened his mouth and then smiled. "So maybe we just don't tell her right now."

Kevin hugged his best friend once more, smiling at the familiar feeling. "I'm so glad we're okay. I hate the thought of you not being around."

"Yeah, let's never do that again."

Kevin banged on the basement door three times, shaking his head fondly at his meddling mother when it opened.

"Sorry, you guys, I must've accidentally locked the door. Reflex, you know?"

She busied herself with the plates and gave Kurt a quick smirk as Kevin headed into the kitchen.

The air in the Pearson house was considerably lighter now that Kurt and Kevin had reconnected. There was no tension that hung in the air, something that both boys were afraid of. It was just as it had always been, the idea of a new start cloaking the dining room with the notion of putting everything behind them sounding pretty good to both of them.


End file.
